12 Hilarious and Sweet Thoughts From my First 6 Months of Motherhood

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I was so excited to become a mom, I kept a journal to remember this precious time with my baby boy.

Now looking through my entries I think I failed.

I kept a log where I whined about how tired I was. Luckily I talked a little bit about other things too.

I wanted to share some gems I found in my journal from my first 6 months as a mom.

#1

“I’m holding my baby’s hand while he nurses because it’s sweet. Also, because I’m flippin’ tired of getting scratched.

Baby fingernail clippers are a lie.”

#2

“Being a parent is about dying to get more sleep while your hormones scream, ‘I love this baby! Let’s have a million more of these things!’

Calm down, hormones.

I’m now setting a reminder on my phone to take my pill.”

#3

“The best thing about having a newborn is you can kiss and snuggle them as long as you want and they can’t do anything about it.

Except pee on you, spit up on you, and poke you in the eye.”

#4

“When I was a kid, I would sometimes have nightmares about being naked. Now that I’m a nursing mom, I think some of those nightmares have become reality.

I once stumbled out of the bedroom after an epic session of getting-the-baby-to-sleep and my husband informed me that my breasts were showing. I had no idea.”

#5

“Being a mom is about being so excited whenever your child learns new skills, while also being SO sad that he is growing up.

The moment he first rolled over, I knew I needed another baby. This one is too big.”

#6

“If my 4-month-old could talk: I may be choking, but if you think I’m unlatching for more than half a second, you’re crazy! Eating is more important than breathing!

Priorities, sorted.”

#7

“One night my baby woke so many times, I awakened disoriented and couldn’t remember putting him back in his crib, so I started searching my bed for him. This was stupid since he was clearly down the hall where he was screaming his lungs out.

The books warn you about freaking – ahem, I mean frequent – night wakings. I was still unprepared for swaddle weaning.

Swaddle weaning is hell.”

#8

“I’m not sure if I just participated in a nursing session or a wrestling match.

It even ended with me cleaning up bodily fluids – thankfully just spit up.”

#9

“Sometimes when I am doing the delicate work of leaning over, placing my sleeping baby in the crib, and holding him still so he stays asleep, I realize I’m not breathing. I hope I don’t pass out one day.

If I do faint, I would have a good excuse to make my husband finish this shift with the baby.”

#10

“I know breast milk is flavored by whatever I’ve been eating. I wish I knew how much time it took so I could tell what flavor he is tasting. Is that green beans making you coo? Good. Vegetables for life!

Do you love chocolate? Very good. You’re my son.

You like spicy food, right?

I could ask the pediatrician, but she would probably ask if I had any pertinent questions for her, and then remind me how evil T.V. is.”

#11

“At six-months-old, my baby has started whipping his head backwards and forwards while latched, the monster. It’s like breastfeeding a hyperactive pigeon.

If you Google “nursing problems,” there is an abundance of expert advice for brand new moms, moms returning to work, and breast infections. Yet there is little by experts about breastfeeding antics. You’re stuck with advice from parenting forums where you have to learn their lingo.

LO means kid for some reason.”

#12

“Sometimes I work very hard to put my baby to sleep so I can cook food or sleep, but when he finally falls asleep, I end up just staring at him in my arms. His sweet face just melts any intention of getting things done!

Will I ever really regret time I spent snuggling my baby?”

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12 Hilarious and Sweet Thoughts From my First 6 Months of Motherhood

I was so excited to become a mom, I kept a journal...
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6 Comments

  • A hyperactive pigeon! Bahaha I totally have one of those. Maybe next time I’ll laugh at his pigeon-likeness than wince at the potential pain… ugh I can’t help but feel like his plaything, like he’s trying to see how big he can make his straw…

  • Haha! All these hit home for me. My son is 10 weeks and I just spent almost two hours trying to nurse “the monster” back to sleep at 3/4 in the morning. Thank you for the laughs…much needed!

  • This article had me laughing out loud in agreement. Literally. My abs hurt.

    So true. And I just spent an hour nursing my little one and then debated snuggling her to a nap instead of writing a paper for grad school. If she didn’t pull off my breast shreaking to declare she was finished (her new trick), I might have done it. Baby time trumps paper deadlines!

  • I was SO confused by the abundance of ‘LO’ in all the forums… nickname? But wait, everyone has the same nickname??!?! Oooohhhhhh… LO = little one… took me a while.

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