Losing It – Week One

Well here I am after week one!

I made it.

Let me start with the meal plan from Sprout Right. It is awesome.

The recipes are incredible. Seriously. I don’t feel like I’m being cheated out of anything and I do really well throughout the day… but then the kids go to bed.

Historically, this is when I’d really put the pedal down. After all, I didn’t want my children eating that kind of garbage, and I certainly didn’t want them stealing mine. So I would curl up with a bag of chips, some sour cream with onion soup mix mixed in and a diet coke then hit it like a rabid wolverine while I watched my pvr’d shows.

Now, according to this meal plan I’m not supposed to eat after 8pm unless I’m pregnant (Lucky pregnant people. Insert hands-in-pocket, dirt kick). This proved to be very challenging for me.

So now I had to curl up with a caffeine-free mug of herbal tea to watch Dancing with the Stars. I should also mention that I hate herbal tea. It always tastes like I should be soaking my feet in it instead of drinking it and it sure as hell doesn’t cut it as a replacement for chip dip – the first couple of nights I just went to be early so I didn’t start rummaging through the couch cushions to see if any rogue M&Ms had fallen in there.

As painful as the first few days were though, the plan makes sense – spread your meals over the day rather than eating almost your entire caloric intake within two hours before going to bed, plus, the food really is delicious and cheaper too.

The initial grocery bill took me back a bit but then I didn’t eat out, get coffee, stop for a treat, or order a pizza, etc. for the rest of the week. I couldn’t tell you how much I saved because I suck at that kind of thing and it didn’t occur to me to track it, but I have a lot more cash in my wallet at the end of this week than I usually do.

Now for The Shred.

I have a theory.

I have decided that Jillian Michael’s is brilliant.

In the beginning, you want to punch her face in but you are far too weak and slightly crippled by her workouts that she need not worry. By the time you could actually do her some harm, you are so cut and hot that you change your mind and decide that you love her and join her army of minions.

This woman will take over the world one day.

In the meantime, I try to follow Anita (the “easy level” girl with 2% body fat) and try not wet my pants doing the skip rope portion.

To add insult to injury, my two year old likes to get his Play Doh cans and pretend they are hand weights and does entire routine effortlessly beside me. To some this would be adorable (and it is) but part of me can’t help resent him a wee bit as I look up at him, exhausted in a puddle of my own urine, because he is one of the two reasons I’m in this mess.

Then he takes a break from his squat rows and hugs me and all is forgiven.

One thing I think I can thank him for is my freakishly fit abs. I am amazed at how easy I’m finding the abdominal exercises as this has never been a strong area for me. I guess hauling a screaming toddler to the car has its benefits. I can’t wait to see these miraculous abs if I’m ever able to unearth them from the layers of fat like some archeological dig in ancient Egypt.


I have stuck exactly to the meal plan and I’ve done the Shred everyday and I have lost…..

::drum roll::

3 pounds.

I was kind of hoping for 30 but I suppose that wasn’t realistic and really I should consider it a good start in the right direction. Maybe I should just be thankful for the pounds lost and try not to wet my pants this week.

I keep you posted on how the second week goes.

Thank you all for your supportive and encouraging words. I love them. Like chips and dip, oh sweet baby Jesus, I miss my chips and dip.

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  • "In the meantime, I try to follow Anita (the "easy level" girl with 2% body fat) and try not wet my pants doing the skip rope portion."

    Ok, you are hilarious! I have done the 30 day shred… Amen to that!

  • I found your blog by chance and I can't stop laughing! I love your humor. I think we would totally get along but you are alllllll the way in Canada.

    If you ever get pregnant again, you should come out to LA and feast on yummy Mexican food. I mean, you gain the same amount of weight regardless of what you do anyways right? Might as well eat Carne Asada fries for breakfast cuz you know, it's the breakfast of champions.

  • Oh Honey. I'm so proud! Jillian got me on the road to where I am today, and I won't tell you about it, except it involves her newer videos No More Trouble Zones and Banish Fat Boost Metabolism, both highly recommended. She'll get you to Bob Harper, which has scenery worth waiting for.

    My gyno told me this trick re. peeing yourself during workouts: wear a tampon. Helps seal things off. And when I do Jillian, it's a super plus ob with an added maxi pad. Takes right care of that little problem. Best to you!

  • Man, my kids kick ass at the shred. I suck. And I only do it when they "remind me" (because really I didn't forget, I just simply don't want to torture myself) It's a good thing for me they go to their dad's 2 days a week.

  • Hey! 3 pounds is fantastic! Too much too soon and your brain will freak out and think you're living during a famine and shut down the system to conserve fat reserves. Then if you indulge in one little thing, it goes "Fucking sweet! Famine over, time to chow down like a walrus in case this bounty doesn't last long!" Slow weight loss is the best way to trick that beast, so keep up the good work!

  • I was giggling at all the women that have started Jillian and then found themselves pregnant…we should start a club. I joined Weight Watchers and started the Shread and one month (and 9 lbs down) later found out I was pregnant.

    Good Job to you…3 lbs in the first week is awesome!

  • You are awesome. Thank you for making me cry from laughing! (and pee a bit)…
    on the peeing note, I have to share something with all the ladies reading that has saved my life – physiotherapy for your vajayjay. I'm not even kidding. Except they don't call it your vajayjay there, they call it your pelvic floor muscles. Not as awkward as you'd think it would be, and I stopped peeing my pants when I went for a run – yay! Now that I'm pregnant with number 2, I really need to go back after I have this baby or else I'll be changing my own diapers every time I change the baby's. 🙂

  • Oh, girl…you do NOT have that many layers of fat. Come, now. I cannot imagaine it.
    I recall doing some "boxing for girls" classes 2 whole years after I had my son and I squirted pee every time we had to jump rope. I started wearing pantiliners to class. That teacher made us work so hard I always left shaking and feeling like vomiting. Jesus.
    GOOD LUCK. You can do it!!
    xoxo, Piper

  • You rock toots!

    I'm burning calories just reading about all your hard work.

    I should really get off my ass as I just had a baby last month and
    the effing weight is still here.

    Nah, I'll just vicariously lose weight through you.

    Keep it up hooker – you're an inspiration!

  • Thanks for the follow-up on the menu plan. 🙂 My hubs is not huge on the veggies either, but I'm slowly pitching him on an "experiment" to try the meal plan. He's got to be ON BOARD before I start though, b/c nothing sends me through the roof faster than a dinner plate with food left on it, and someone looking for a "snack" 45 minutes later. Meanwhile, loving the blog!!

  • Ok, a co-worker sent me your blog today & I have gotten ZERO work done. I literally have had people walk up to me asking "what is so funny".
    The stick figures of the bath water & the puddle of pee…honestly I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. A mom of one 2 yr old in San Fran CA, only short bursts of laughter in the last year. Nothing like today! It's like blog therapy! LMAO.
    And if I lived closer I would totally stalk you too along with all the other female stalkers. It would be funny though, 'cause we would just set up camp & do crafts all day, tell jokes, eat good & bad food, cry, laugh…it would be awesome.
    Keep up the awesome blogs (when you feel like it) and I'll keep reading. I am so hooked now. (insert little stick figure of woman at desk, huge eyes glued to the computer screen, mouth open wide from laughter)

  • OMG you are hilarious, I love your posts. I can so feel what you are going through, my son is 16 months old and I have started a "new" way of eating at least 20 times…sigh.. 😉

  • Add me to the peeing yourself clan. And as I am pregnant with my third, I'm sure it will only get worse. I am surprisingly looking forward to being able to work out again in a couple of months.

  • Hey! Way to go! Starting is never easy. Keep up the good work!

    As for herbal tea, there are some really good ones out there. For example, Chocolate Chai from President's Choice is excellent, if you like spices and chocolatey drinks.

  • So glad to know I'm not the only one who can't do the cardio sections without fear of peeing myself! After two natural births I'm a mess. I finally modified the moves so that my two feet were never off the floor at one time and I could keep my thighs firmly pressed together! 😛 I'm pregnant again and I have to say, bladder reconstruction surgery is starting to sound even more attractive than that fantasy boob job I've been planning for when I'm done being a milk maid.

    Also, I've heard 2-3 lbs is sustainable weight loss, meaning you're more likely t keep it off if you lose it slow and steady. And don't go back to binging on chips and dips every night. 😛

  • SoSaje, my husband has been on board with the food but he is not a vegetable fan. One night was macaroni and cheese and it had cauliflower in it. I couldn't be bothered to keep it a secret so I just told him and said, "suck it up, buttercup." and he loved it – he ate two helpings. I can stress how much he hates cauliflower. I was floored.
    As for my kids, they are hit and miss but I find that with any kind of food.
    Hope that helps.

  • 3 pounds in a week is fat-free awesomesauce! 🙂 Good for you on sticking to the meal plan … that's a really tricky part in my house too. What I'm really wondering though, do your KIDS and HUBBY like the food?! I'm tempted to get the menu, but it's pricey and I don't want to pay that much if I'm going to be preparing two different meals every time (and double opportunity to cheat).

  • That is super awesome – good for you!! And thank you for the picture of you on the floor in a puddle of urine. That was hysterically funny and almost caused me to create one of my own.

    Keep up the good work!

  • Good work, lady! Jillian is awesome. She'll make you skinny before you know it. Keep up the good work!

  • I did Jillians' Shred -only got to about 8 days -and GO FIGURE- KNOCKED UP AGAIN, this time with baby #4 …I have deemed that I shall never work out again until Brian gets a giant vasectomy 🙂 Until then, I shall eat and be fat and be merry. So I prevent all pregancy -birth control baby 🙂 Just be careful, doing shred can produce children. 🙂 Love the blog! First time commenter, 2nd time reading.

  • That is awesome!! And I can completely relate to wanting to kill Jillian Michaels in the beginning, I had started that workout about 2 months before I found out I was pregnant and in that 2 months I lost 15 lbs!

  • It really isn't a diet, it's a healthy eating plan so, yes.

    I'm really hoping to maintain this kind of eating which is why I chose Sprout Right instead of some fad diet.

    The food is fantastic.

  • Is it bad that all I can think about now is sour cream with onion soup mix? That is SO my favorite chip dip! Okay…must focus…will power…I don't need to run to the store and get chips!

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