Easiest Births Ever

Everyone loves to tell you about horrible births, so I thought it would be nice to share a birth story that is beyond awesome and that I know for a fact is true. Sure, it won't happen this way for everyone, but you can always hope.

Some of you may be a little scared, okay terrified of giving birth.

Everyone loves to tell you about horrible births, so I thought it would be nice to share a birth story that is beyond awesome and that I know for a fact is true. Sure, it won’t happen this way for everyone, but you can always hope.


I met my friend Moira when her son was around two-years old.

She lived in the house across the street from the place I had just rented and she was pregnant with her second child.

We’d hang out on her porch and she would tell me where all the good restaurants in the neighbourhood were and I would tell her about drunken evenings out with friends. I was impressed with her domestic prowess and she was impressed with my reckless, unscheduled life.

When she got to be around 37 weeks pregnant she asked me if I wouldn’t mind being on call to run over to the house and watch her son before her mother could get there if she went into labour. I was honoured that she actually trusted me with her child and told her that it was doubtful that I would be needed in that much of a hurry. After all, women can be in labour for days.

“Uh, well not me” Moira said. So I asked how long it took for her son to get here. “44 minutes” she replied. “You mean 44 minutes after you started pushing?” I tried to correct her. “No, 44 minutes from the time I thought something may be happening until he was here.”

She proceeded to tell me that she got up in the middle of the night thinking she had to go to the bathroom. She wiped and saw blood so she got worried and got dressed to go to the hospital. Then she had one pain and thought, “Oh man, this is it.” Woke her husband up and got herself to the hospital. She had one more pain in the parking garage and felt like she needed to push but held off until she could get inside. The nurses heard her story and just rolled their eyes at the first-time-mother tale and admitted her. The moment she got in a bed she told the nurse she wanted to push so the nurse said, “go for it” and out came the baby. No pain. Just…here.

At this point I decided Moira must be an idiot. Surely you cannot be in labour for 44 minutes and just give birth like that. Surely she was one of those people that was just in denial about the pain or just too dense to notice. I mean, the girl is about 5’3″ and 110 lbs soaking wet. It’s not like she has giant hips and some cavernous vagina that can just unhinge and fire a kid out. She must be wrong.

Just to humour her I said I would be poised by my phone in case she needed to run across the street to watch the munchkin. She thanked me and warned me that she went into “labour” at 38 weeks last time so it could be anytime. I nodded and promptly forgot about it.

The next week rolls around and I’m coming home from a hangover breakfast and Moira’s husband greets me on the street with a sunny, “Where the heck were you last night?”.  I told him I was at a basketball game, “Why?”. “Because we have another little boy!” he happily told me. “Moira had him in 22 minutes. We just made it to the hospital.”

Holy shit. She’s not crazy. She’s a freak. A lucky, lucky freak.

This time, at 38 weeks, she thought she had to go to the bathroom. Wiped saw blood and knew to get the hell out of there. Called me to no avail so called the neighbour down the street who had to run in her pajamas to make it in time. Her husband floored it to the hospital, tossed her in a wheelchair and screamed, “My wife is giving birth. Now!”

Now, I’m sure L&D nurses hear this about 80 times a night so I can appreciate their failure to hustle.

One of the senior nurses came over and asked how many minutes apart her contractions were. As Moira climbed up on the bed she told her she hadn’t had any. Just as the nurse replied, “Then I doubt you’re in labour, let’s have a look.”, out popped the baby.

Out popped the fucking baby!

These aren’t peanut children either. Both boys weighed in between seven and eight pounds each.

Needless to say, the stunned hospital staff released Moira and her baby with a good story for the next shift.

Fast forward four years. Moira’s pregnant for the third time.

Wisely her husband read up on “How to Deliver a Baby at Home.” and didn’t call me as a babysitter seeing as my batting average was pretty sad.

At 38 weeks, Moira gets up to go to the bathroom, feels a little “different”. Screams to her husband, “It’s time”. He leaps out of bed, tosses Moira into the tub and ‘whoosh’ delivers his daughter into the world.

How amazing is that?

Like I said, she’s not a large girl by any stretch of the imagination. Her mother had average deliveries with all three of her children – not too great, not too horrible. So what makes Moira different? Hell if I can figure out, and man, did I quiz her.

I suppose it’s just a luck of the draw like being athletic, musical, or naturally skinny with big tits. You’re just lucky.

So here’s to all you first time moms that are scared of giving birth. You never know, you may have the golden ticket, so cross your fingers.

And clean your tub.

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  • I was my mother’s second and last baby. She had me less than 45 minutes. Luckily, she was already in the hospital and technically I was induced because I was 2 weeks overdue (mom swears the stupid military OB/GYN had her dates wrong and that I was born at 40 weeks). My mother says induction "was a joke" because the Pitocin didn’t even tickle her. They started Pitocin early in the morning, but nothing happened, so they unhooked her from the drugs and she ate lunch, only to start feeling contractions around 1:40. I was born at 2:21. My dad barely made it from his office and ran in literally a minute before I was born, all 7 pounds and 7 ounces of me. I was hoping for such good fortune with my daughter. Nope. 3 days of stalled labor, enough Pitocin to put an elephant into labor, and 2 hours of pushing, plus threatening to chuck the doctor across the room if he even suggested a C-section, and I had my daughter. Fun times! I’m never doing it again.

  • this happened to me…my contractions were about 13mins apart when I started to really feel them I had been having twinges for the last couple of days before…anyway started bleeding got worried so called the hospital..they were keen to see me..this was around 1am… after being looked at by midwives they wasn’t to sure so decided to get a doctor’s opinion.. now 5am I was actually 5cm dilated and was now transfering me.. was offered gas and air at this point but decided against it… waddled to the delivery suite where spent till 10am having contractions but we’re 10mins apart and the midwive telling me she is only 3/5 engaged still and your only 7cm dilated oh and my contractions aren’t painful enough for me to be in active labour so her and the doctor want to pop my waters… me not so convinced as wanted as less medical intervention as possible asked to have time to think anyway they agreed but then was called to an emergency.. they came back at 12.30 popped my waters… my contractions got heavier and all I wanted to do is push… I couldn’t sit I was pacing the room up to me down… all everyone kept saying is don’t push don’t push she still only 3/5 2.30came the midwife said we need to see if she has dropped and if you have dilated fully telling her there is no way I can got on the bed… get on the bed midwife says to me no wondered you felt like you wanna push her head is here 8mins later she was here! midwife apologised for not believe I was in active labour.. all without any pain relief! she also told me as soon as I get twinges next time to make my way to the hospital

  • Damn.. This just made me feel so awesome! I’ve been scared shitless for weeks. I’m due any day with baby number 2… I’m praying to the gods that I have the same experience as Moira. She’s my hero!

  • Thanks for sharing this!

    I feel like society tries to scare women so much about birth. Which makes ladies afraid; they tense up, labor is longer and worse, etc.

    I had a very easy birth myself, all natural, quick (but not completely pain free… lucky bitch) and I wish more people would be unafraid!

  • I read this post when I was pregnant with #3. My first was 8 hours, my second was 90 minutes. I thought it was just a fluke. Nope. #3 was 45 minutes. I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant with #4 and just a bit worried about making it to my hospital an hour away. My friend told me to call her and she would drive over with a shower curtain and deliver at home because it’s bound to go super fast.

  • I’m jealous. Although, my labor wasn’t too bad. Just over 9.5 hours of labor, over 3 hours of pushing. My contractions were 2 minutes apart or less from start to finish, no early labor. No meds at all. My mom was in labor work me for 21 hours so I don’t know how I lucked out. The only reason I had to push so long is because my baby was face up and stuck on my pubic bone. Hopefully the next one will be even shorter.

  • When I first started reading the email about this story, I thought maybe it was about me because I only know one other Moira and it’s my aunt. 😉 my labors were short, all three under 6 hours, but definitely not that short or easy! How crazy!!

  • I guess I’m one of these 🙂
    I started having mild contractions at 3 pm by 9pm we were at the hospital still mild to nothing contractions but less than 5 minutes apart. I was admitted and they broke my water late that night. They came in at 4 Sid to start pushing at 4:08 by 4:32 he came into the world!! Here’s the part that gets everyone, he came into the world By me having to cough and then I started laughing. One big laugh and there he was!

  • I’m the lady that had textbook inductions.

    1st one, started pit at 4 am, water broke at 7, got an epidural at 9, baby out by 10:40. 3 stitches.

    2nd, started pit at 7, water broke at 9, epidural at 10, took a nap, baby out by noon after two pushes. No stitches.


  • My sister had her first baby in 45 mins at home total shock. So for her second baby this year she went into hospital to be induced so she could have baby in a safe environment. Her labour notes said 6 MINUTES! My labours were 12 hours.

  • I was born going down the hospital hallway. I’m my mom’s second child, she was in labor with my brother for something like 2 days. With me she had false labor at 6 months and was sent home, then 2 weeks after my due date she had a backache (nothing new she said) all day one day. After having said backache all day my Granny and my dad finally convinced her to go to the hospital about 5p when my dad got home from work (mom had been cleaning, running errands, etc. all day). They put her in a room and said it would be awhile. She said a few minutes later she felt the urge to push and knew the baby (me) was coming. She called for the nurse who was skeptical but lifted her gown for a look and I was crowning. They started rushing her to the delivery room (this was back in the day when they were separate) and I was born in the hallway before they could get there.

    I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant with my first and think about this. I have a connective tissue disorder which can make labor very fast. Good thing I’m 10 minutes only from the hospital.

  • Are you kidding me? I went through 18 weeks of Braxton Hics, then 15 days of stop-you-in-your-tracks, double-over-and-cry, full-on contractions that started 20 minutes apart, and slowly worked their way down to 10 minutes apart (my cervix refused to dilate) until my wonderful and amazing midwife broke my water for me because my contractions were so hard that she was afraid that the baby was at risk. Six hours later, and I finally get to 2 cm dilated and get an epidural because I was hurting worse than broken bones hurt (I originally planned to go natural). That anesthesiologist was my best friend. I felt nothing from my ribcage down. It was only 2 hours after that when I gave birth and still didn’t feel anything until 3-4 hours after the birth of my 8-pound-14-ounce baby girl, which was good, so that I could get some sleep before I felt the insane damage that was done to my lady bits (my midwife said she stopped counting after 20 stitches). I didn’t walk like anything close to a normal person for over 2 weeks. My next one, however, went much smoother; no contractions, went in and had a scheduled induction, got an epidural after about an hour, and played Phase 10 with my sisters until, suddenly, I felt like I needed to push. 3 pushes later he was here and 8 pounds, 5.8 ounces. Only got 14 stitches that time, and could walk almost normally 30 minutes after having him. I have been pregnant 10 times, and every single one was different, but none of them were close to this lady’s wonderful experience.

  • I had a pretty quick birth for my first. Waters broke at 5.30 am, nothing happened all day till 6pm then contractions kicked in it was 2 1/2 hours later and my wee girl was here

  • I can’t top this story, but for my second there was no pushing. I was not fully dilated so I was holding the push, then he got out with the contraction alone…

  • I have 5 children and I too had an extremely easy and fast birth with my second child. I talked and laughed through the the whole thing! If I wasn’t there I wouldn’t have believed it myself 🙂 I won’t go there about the other births, but #2 was pain-free, fast, and easy!

  • Oh my that’s crazy. My labor was a little longer but I also shocked all the staff at the hospital. I was induced with my first so I had no idea what it was like to go into labor naturally. I was 29 weeks pregnant with twins and I woke up in the middle of the night having to rush to the bathroom. I called the hospital and they told me to wait at home because they said I just peed myself but being an hour and a half away from the hospital I didn’t want to chance it. I got to the hospital and confirmed my water broke so they were doing everything they could to slow down my contractions but a few hours later I told them I just had to push and they were in shock that I wasn’t lieing. So in 6 hours after my water broke I gave birth to a healthy 3 pound 9 ounce boy and a healthy 2 pound 10 ounce girl. So my advice is if you think you are in labor just go to the hospital! You know your body better than anyone.

  • I had my first child 2 months ago and while my labor wasn’t that easy, I still think I was pretty lucky. I had her at 38 weeks and I was in labor for 3 hours with just 20 minutes of pushing!

  • Wow. If only. #1 was 25 hours, induced, 2.5 hours fruitless pushing, ending in c/s. #2 was 30 hours from first early, easy-ish contractions to VBAC birth. All 9lbs 9oz of him pushed out in 30 minutes. #3 24 hours induced labor, no pushing because cervix swelled at 9cm, c/s. 10lbs 5oz. #4 was supposed to be VBA2C, but was breech so ended up with repeat c/s.

  • Pushed for 10 minutes with my first-she was 9 lb, 4 oz. My second was 3 pushes and she was 8 lb, 11oz. Both were born on their due dates. I guess I’m lucky too.

  • 3 babies – all pretty quick births. The last who weighed in at 7 pound 10 oz shot out so damn quick it was like a water cannon. Lucky the umbilical cord was short or she would have gone over the edge of the delivery bed. The nurse didn’t have tools out to cut the cord because I "still hadn’t fully dilated" after they had broken my waters. 1 push. Now don’t think this doesn’t hurt ladies, and your body goes into shock badly after the birth but I’m grateful for the good genes that allow for a drug free non damaged lady parts birth. On a serious note though – nurses need to listen more I told at least 10 hospital workers on the way up to the birthing suite that I do this stuff quickly. Not sure if it helped but I took raspberry leaf tablets from end of first trimester to birth which is supposed to help with birthing. Good luck to all you expectant mums

  • And I thought I had fast labors. My first was 6 hours (induced due to pre eclampsia.) My second was 3 hours and the doctor almost didn’t make it.. He ran in still in his street clothes, pulled on gloves and caught my daughter. My third was 1 hour and 15 min. She was born in the car on the side of the highway on the way to the hospital. Just my husband and I were there.

  • My first was 12 hours of labor 2 of which were pushing ( stubborn kid). Second was an induction-5 hours of being bored followed by 10 minutes of trying not to push (so the doctor could get there) 2 pushes and voilà he’s here. But we saved the best for last- I woke up in the middle of the night because my 2nd lo was crying and noticed I was having mild contractions. Fast forward 1 hour and and they start to hurt. Told hubby we have to go… NOW! We did a mad dash to the hospital, I got my gown on and the nurse checked me. She immediately panicked and begged me not to push till the doctor got there. I didn’t push, in fact I almost passed out because I was trying so hard not to, my DD was born 3 minutes later anyway. They told me next time I should just rent a room at the hospital or baby will probably be born at home.

  • So this is what happened to me. Realized had little stomach cramp like a menses at 9 and had my son at 12. Not as quick but still being first time mom this was super fast to not have much pain!

  • Do Hypnobabies. Arriving pushing is crazy common. I had 8 miserable hours with my first. I did Hypnobabies with my second and even though the total time was close to 6 hours, I arrived at the hospital a scant 45 minutes before she was born, because I didn’t feel the urge to leave my house before then.

  • My water broke at work with my first at 11:50 am. He was born at 1:58 pm. No epidural because by the time I left work, drove home (contractions the whole way) finished packing my hospital bag (he was 13 days early) and drove to the hospital (2 mins away) I was 10 cm and ready to push. The RNs only believed me once I said I think I need to push. With #2, no water breaking, but contractions started at 12:30pm and daughter was born at 2:03pm. Only 3 pushes for her. Again no epidural, not enough time. I was at 9cm when I got to the hospital. My MD said if we have another we need to talk about induction to prevent having them in an unexpected place. Both times not one person knew we were at the hospital. We called to say….hi we have a baby here!

  • Lol, I’m another lucky one, I went into labor at work at 38 weeks and refused to believe it "was time". When we got to the hospital I was already 4cm dilated and my daughter was born just a couple hours later with just 3 pushes! Quick and easy, no stitches needed. 🙂 yay!

  • I went into labor at 41 weeks after being induced. After no overnight progress from the thinning agent I got the patocin and made no progress. I wasn’t in any pain at all but by 3pm I was hungry and my doctor told me an epidural could help speed things up. I got the shot and about 3 hours later I was ready to push. My baby girl came out on push number 11 about 20 minutes after I started hard labor. I share my story to let mommies who get induced know that an epidural doesn’t slow labor- that’s a myth- and good doctors can control the pain medication and the induction medication for a pleasant experience.

  • My labor was only 10 hours. Not as fast as some, but a whole lot better than 20 hours. I had my first contraction at 1:08 am and was holding my baby at 11:00 am. No pain during delivery, thanks to iv meds and epidural.

  • My first was pretty average, but pushed for what felt like forever!! (labor was 12 hours total, 3 of those were pushing)….although he was 9lbs6oz, so I guess that’s why 🙂 but my second was super fast…. water broke just after 4pm and she was here by 7, only pushing for about 15 minutes (and she was bigger!)

  • I have a sister-in-law who walked around dilated at a 6 for days and then had the boy in just a couple of hours, and a skinny friend who had a baby after about two pushes. (Wasn’t like that for me, but both mine came 3.5 weeks early, which IMO is a blessing of its own. I’d rather have hours of pushing and save myself those last few weeks of pregnancy any day.)

  • Mine are horribly painful but fast. Baby 1 was about 6 hrs from water break to birth. Baby 2 was 3.5 hrs. Baby 3 was under an hour (including 10 minutes or so of pushing) and he was 9.5lbs. I was afraid that baby 4 would fall out…* but he was my longest and most painful.
    My bestie is a pregnancy unicorn. First feeling of discomfort to baby out was like 45 minutes. A footling breech. Never made it to the hospital.

  • My Mum, myself and my sister are all the same. Longest was 3 hours and quickest was 45 minutes and barely made it to hospital (met with eye rolling which was followed by panic when they realised I wasn’t kidding). There needs to be more of these stories talked about!

  • The birth for my son was a whopping 6 minutes long and 4 pushes…this time around I’m shooting for 4 minutes and two pushes.

  • That was great to read- much more encouraging than the 40 hour labor horror stories. 🙂 I thought my sister-in-law’s birth last week was quick- 6 hours of active labor and 10 minutes of pushing. And if it works out that way for me (I’m due January, 2015), I will be more than happy. But I didn’t know it could be that quick- wow!

  • I was in labor less than 30 minutes with both my boys (9 & 10 lbs). My water broke at home, by the time I got to the hospital which was 10 minutes away, they were on their way out. I was truly blessed

  • My best friend had 2 births like that. 60 minutes for the first and under 40 for the second. It’s like the babies just fell out of her.
    I’m prego now and am hoping, but not counting, on that for me!

  • That girl’s the luckiest I’ve heard of! I thought mine were pretty good having 4 kids under 7hrs, but she tops it all! I’m 5’5", 115lbs, slim & active but not athletic, but I’m still trying to figure out why mine were quick. Was it all that jumping on the trampoline as a kid that toned my uterus? I would like to know too… My first (7.5lbs) came in 4hrs and I was 8cm dialated when I finally made it to the hospital, my second (6lb 13oz) came in 45min to which I didn’t make it to the hospital & had her in the front seat of my car, would much rather clean a bath tub!! My 3rd (6lbs 7oz) was a planned home-birth & I stretched my labor out to 1.5hrs waiting for the midwife to arrive, & 4th was another home birth & in 40min my 8.8lb brute was born! Can’t say mine were pain free, I felt like I was going to die every time and the contractions were back-to-back, but a couple pushes & baby was out to my relief… But I’m sure all you fast deliverers would agree: biggest fear is going into labor & giving birth in a public place because you have no choice; cause once labor starts, baby is there!

  • from the first minute i thought i ‘might’ be in labor (3:40 am) until my son was born at the hospital, (4:27 am) 47 minutes. weird.

  • Oh man!! How I wish my labour was like that… 3 Bloody Days I rolled about like a hippo in a mud bath Gawwww then after all of that, I had to have a C-section!… But 2nd and 3rd babies were Planned C-sections.. So there were straight out 😀 http://www.suggys.co.uk/Leanne

  • Sounds a lot like my 1st child. I labored for 6 hours and pushed 3 times!! Preggers with the 2nd now! Hoping it goes the same!!

  • I was in labour for less than 3 hours. I woke up at 220am to pee and saw blood. Started feeling pressure about 15 mins later. I was at the hospital by 3am. Transferred hospitals at 4am(preterm labour, sent to a hospital with a better nicu). Arrived at l&d at 430am, was 10cm. Walked to the delivery room and had my son at 515am.

    The women in my family (mom, sister) have all had fast, early labours. My sister had her baby from start to finish in less than 2 hours.

  • My first labor: 19 hours. 3 1/2 hrs pushing.
    My second labor: 75 minutes, 1 push.
    My third labor: 55 minutes, 1 push.
    There is always hope 🙂

  • My 3 children came like this, and it is SCARY AS HELL! My 3rd is now 7 weeks old, and she came so fast we had a little trip to NICU because she still had amniotic fluid in her lungs.

  • I was in labor for just 4 hours, that is from the time doc broke my water until I had her. first baby at 8.9lbs but should have known since my mom had all 5 of her 9lb babies withimng a 1-3 hour time frame.

  • I remember when my cousin had her first baby she had such a painless labour that she got up got into the bath did her hair and makeup and then decided to go to hospital. Her second baby was born after she had got out of the bath ready to do her hair, we all think it was because she was a serious dancer when she was younger and was just lucky.

  • I read this story a couple times while i was pregnant, thinking how awesome it would be to have such a quick and easy labor. I also thought the odds of this happening to me where slim. Well even though i had to be induced, to my surprise it was all done and over within 3 hours! ….i know, you all hate me 😛

  • I had a similar situation with my third baby with nurses that gave me the eye roll when I said, "once my water breaks it goes pretty quickly". Well my water broke at home 30 prior to this and they just nodded and said that it’s probably not going as fast as I think. Well bitches, I was 8cm and I delivered an hour later!

  • I wasn’t quite that lucky, but I tend to have easy 3-4 hours labors with 3-5 minutes of pushing. I gave birth to both my children in a birthing tub. Water birth is the best! First one at a birth center, second time at home. I think you just have to trust that your body knows what to do and not be afraid. 🙂

  • My brother was about to leave for work and his wife said I think the babys coming, he delivered his little girl on the bathroom floor and quickly, it was her third child, she is a tiny gal too. now I was told I would have no problem with big hips and a farm girl shape, nope, 2 c sections, first child after 28 hours of labor and completely stuck and in peril, second one was scheduled. both my daughters ended up having c sections as well, same problem, our bones just don’t move.

  • Oh how I laughed at this! I thought I had a super fast labor! Our little boy was born 13 minutes after arriving to the hospital. I was only positive I had been in labor for under an hour. However, unlike Megan, I definitely felt pains …. but sheesh. This is tooo funny. I only hope my other births will be quickies as well!

  • According to my mother, father, and aunt (who was around the day of my birth) my mom had a more or less similar experience. She woke up the morning the doctors had said I was due and felt her first contraction. She jumped in the shower because she wanted to be clean before going to hospital, slowly woke my father, and while he showered she laid out his clothes and even got started on breakfast! They had the breakfast to go and she got to the hospital only to find out that her scheduled doctor was going to lunch. She informed him that the baby – me – was coming any minute. He checked her and saw that she wasn’t more than a centimeter dilated. He went out for lunch and by the time he got back I had already been born, rushed to NICU (I had breathing problems), and my mom was feeling "all better!"

    I can only pray that when I decide to have my own munchkins it goes so smooth!

  • I had a birth much like this. My first and only son. I was in labor for two days and just thought it was constipation. I followed my daily routine of walking and going grocery shopping and hanging out with some friends. I woke up for my 37 week check up and went to the doctor at 11:30. Got in there 5 minutes later and he was going to check my cervix for the first time. Then he said "Oh my god. You’re in labor!! You’re 8cm dilated!" The turned to my guy and said "Do you know the fastest way to the hospital?!" We got there at about 12:10pm. I went up to the maternity ward and got ready. Started pushing at probably 12:45 and my son was born at 12:56pm. No pain medicine. No pain it all. It was amazing! I couldn’t even believe it. I got one stitch and was up moving houses and packing less than two weeks later. I hope all of my births go this well!!

  • Add me to the list of lucky ones. Although, I must admit that as a first time mom it is scary as hell to deliver so quickly. I mean, you’re so used to everyone telling horror stories of their unbelievably long and painful labors so you simply assume that it will also happen to you.

    My story in a nutshell: I was at school (I’m a teacher) and kids had gone home for the day (thank God!) when my water broke. Friend takes me to the hospital and the nurses assume-first time dramatic mama-so they stick me in a chair to wait while they take their sweet time pulling up my chart and finding me a room. I’m feeling the urge to push so they throw me on a random bed and decide to check me and baby’s crowning! Start to finish 3 hours. Second child I woke up to use the bathroom and knew it was time. Lied to the drs on call and hauled ass to the hospital. Start to finish-2 hours. I’m pregnant again and having my hubby read up on giving birth at home just in case. 🙂

  • Oh my gosh, I have been laughing so much after reading this!! You are one funny lady. I had my children many years ago (they are 38 & 42) but still remember. I went to the hospital at 7pm, for my oldest daughter, and delivered her at 1:00 am. My water broke at home for daughter #2 but didn’t go to the hospital until about 6pm, they told me if I didn’t go into labor by 7 they would induce. I had heard horror stories about how much worse labor pains are with inducement. Labor began at 7 on the dot. No kidding. I delivered her at 11:00 pm.
    At any rate—love how this lady writes!

  • Oh, and no, I’m not a big person. I only gained 22 pounds while I was pg and weighed around 140 before getting pregnant. I just didn’t show that much. Don’t hate me, but I had a pretty easy pregnancy too. No morning sickness, only one weekend of fatigue and the cravings were minimal (fried fish). My biggest problem was insomnia (thank God for Unisom). I also had pain in the front of my pelvis that made me slow down my workouts.

    My little boy was 4 pounds 8 ounces. The problems came after he was born. I never was able to produce enough milk for him. My second child will probably not get breastfeeding after my first experience. The whole breastfeeding thing was bad. I spent more time dealing with pumping & the equipment than I did with my son.

  • Mine was a bit similar to Megan’s. I was at the gym and I started leaking. Well, I thought it was urine, so I got myself to the bathroom to take care of it and got back to the workout. This happened a couple more times, and I did think of amniotic fluid, but after pushing in my (almost non-existant) belly nothing came out. So I blew it off.

    Fast forward 3-4 hours later & I start feeling like I have to go to the bathroom. It wasn’t bad, just felt almost like bad gas. 2 hours after that, we called the hospital and they said to just watch it & come in if I felt like I was in labor. Finally went to the hospital at midnight (admittting lady couldn’t even tell I was pregnant…I was 36 weeks along). I wanted an epidural but that just wasn’t working out. Just over 2 hours later, he’s born. And pop out? Yep. The doctor said that in his 30 year career, he had only seen a baby come out that fast once before. My MIL still laughs at how fast he came out. So when we have our second baby, I’ll probably be like Megan.

  • My mom had my brother within an hour…in the car. When they pulled up in front of the hospital she was holding him with the umbilical cord reaching from her shorts leg up to her lap where he was laying…he was still so slippery the doctor dropped him (no damage was done!)

  • Oh man, I am so glad to hear it actually happens to other people! My mom said that is how both her births were (well, a little longer, one was an hour and one was 2), and she told me this so I wouldn’t be scared, but since everyone else I heard from said it was like 36 hours….

    I really hope I got whatever gene did that for my mom!!! haha.

  • I tried to hold my daughter in as long as I could. She was born in the waiting room of the hospital and landed in my pant leg! Very scary indeed!

  • Mine was fast like that with both kiddos, but not in a good way. Everything moved so fast that I went into medical shock afterwards. And from the time the first pain started, it never stopped until the baby was out. It’s like I have 40 minute long contractions. I hope for more traditional labors for me. Fast isn’t always best.

  • Though I think it makes some people envious, I think it’s good to share positive birth stories (regardless of length, pain level, etc.) because pregnant women hear numerous horror stories during their pregnancy which is just about the last thing you want to hear. When I’m talking to a pregnant woman about birth, I try to, a) ask if a pregnant woman wants to hear about my experience, and b) if they do, I share my very positive story of my son’s birth (i.e., 5 hours start to finish, only about 15 min pushing, manageable pain, etc.) so they know these things can happen.

  • Lol! Happens to me too….. Called a "Fast and silent Labour"…. Fast as it happens so quick and silent as I have no pain….. Waters break and I get a show. Quick call to the midwife and then straight into the car. The CGT machine shows massive contactractions happening but I only feel a mild braxton hick. With my first (Born at 32 weeks) the Doctor told me she was going to do an "Internal exam" to see what was happening….. I will never forget her face when she went to examine only to feel a head RIGHT THERE! 5 mins later and it was all over…..The biggest issue is with no pain/contraction to guide me – when do I push???!!! With the second I was more prepared and headed to the hopsital while calling the midwife and sure enough it was all over very quickly. So yes there are GREAT birthing stories!!!!

  • My mom was like this. My sister was 4 hours from first twinge to baby, I was less than one hour from first contraction to baby. I was born on the way to the hospital, in our very gross-with-dog-hair white Toyota.

    I am not like this. It’s not nice to hate your mother, but as I’m 40 weeks with my third and REALLY HOPING for a labour of less than 30 hours this time, every once in a while I kind of do.

    Because of my mom’s history, I read up on this, and apparently it has to do with having no (or little) nerve endings in your cervix. You labour without really noticing. Well, zippity do da, I guess I’ve got nerves in my cervix, dangit.

  • This story scares me because my first two labors were very quick. With my son (our second) we made it to the hospital just in time. He was born 13 minutes after arrival but there was a knot in the cord that caused a lot of problems. I know a true knot is rare and it probably wont ever happen to me again, but I can’t help but fear a third labor that goes too quick for medical help should something like this occur again. I’ll be taking the hubbies example and getting a delivering at home book just in case!!!

  • In the delivery room with my last baby 1 year ago…. one of the nurses said something funny. I laughed and out came my baby. No joke! 🙂 Easy peasy! My other 2 were NOT like that! Go figure!

  • Wow! And I thought mine was fast! With my daughter last January, I woke up at 1a uncomfortable and noticed that by 2 things were rather consistent and 5/6min apart. Called the OB and was told to stay home as long as I could until they were less than 5min apart for an hour. By ~4a, we got all our things together and were off to the hospital with my contractions 2-3min apart and they were just really uncomfortable, not painful. I went from 5cm to 8cm dilated in 30min, told the nurse I felt like pushing 10min later to her disbelief. I was 10cm, accidentally pushed, water broke and she was born 15min later after 4 pushes. The whole time, I felt oddly relaxed and at ease. I’m thinking I may just stay home with the next one 🙂

  • LOL! when i was at the hospital (i thought i was in labor) they wheeled in a lady screaming "baby’s coming!" the only thing that was holding the baby inside were her pants! she almost gave birth on the side of a freeway because they were stuck in traffic.

  • I had two inductions because both kiddos had me in the hospital numerous times throughout the pregnancy and then decided right around their due date to stop everything. With my son I labored for eight hours and pushed for an hour and a half. With my daughter they actually had to take me off the Pitocin because I was progressing too fast and the doctor wasn’t even in the hospital yet. I joked I wanted to have her by lunchtime so I could eat. Four hours of labor with her, and then with a mere three pushes, she was in my arms. I am also one of the only women I know who had epidurals that completely worked. Granted, the doctor missed the first time on both labors, but the second time was great.

  • I was just like your friend, 3 easy easy baby deliveries. For kiddo #1 I did 3 "practice" pushes as instructed by the doc. and there was the little goopy bundle of joy.
    Same for the next 2.
    Never had any morning sickness either…except for the time I thought it would be a good idea to have Cheetos for breakfast. Which admittedly is not advisable for any person to try- pregnant or not.
    Birth is the easy part though, just wait- sibling rivalry is where things get really interesting….

  • I just had my first child (boy) 6 months ago. From the time my water broke it took me 3 hours and 40 minutes for him to come. It was an hour drive to the hospital and when I got there they gave me pitocin, I wasn't feeling a thing until then. 3 pushes later out popped my little man. The doctor made it in just as they were telling me to push, luckly I had already recieved my epidural so I didn't feel a thing… I didn't even know that it was time to start pushing until they said something. lol

  • My labor was 19 minutes, from the first contraction to the time my son was in my arms. And one of the most irritating responses I get to this story is "you're so lucky to have had such an easy labor." It may have been short, but it was NOT an "easy" labor. My labor with my first son was 6 hours. So we were expecting a relatively short labor. My midwife checked me the morning before I gave birth and I was already dilated to 6 1/2 cm at one week past my due date, so we definitely knew it would be fast since 6 cm is technically considered active labor. We figured at least an hour or two though. If i were able to pick, I would've chosen another 6 hour labor. I didn't even have time to wrap my head around. The fact that I was in labor enough to put to use the laboring tools we had learned from the Bradley method. Luckily we had planned a home birth, so I didn't have to try to move. My first contraction woke me up, the second sent me to the floor on all fours like lightning bolt packed full of all the pain and intensity of all 6 hours of my first labor and shot through my body in 20 minutes. All I could do was writhe in pain, moaning like a wild animal. My water broke with the 4th contraction and I immediately had to push. And pushing was not something I could control in the least. After 1 more contraction I could feel about 3 inches of his head crowning. I was shivering, in shock, and scared that perhaps I shouldn't be pushing- what if the cord was wrapped aroun his neck? Would my midwife make it in time? Luckily she did make it in time for the last push. She checked me, said I was doing good, I had one last contraction, and he was out. Perfectly healthy. I was in shock for a good few hours afterward. I am certainly thankful my labor was only 19 minutes, but let me just reiterate that just because a woman's labor is short does not mean it was easy. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I would say that if you want a shorter labor then decline all drugs and stay active and upright. Everything that hospitals do discourages a fast birth!

  • My dad was born in November 14, but my grandma started labour in November 12. It was 2 days of contractions! Now thats what I call Hell.
    Also, this post made me cry of laughter, I had to seriously wipe my eyes for a few minutes!

  • I have four kids. First was almost 24 hours in labour followed by a good 2 hour pushing time. Second was 40 minutes from water breaking to baby born after 2 contractions! Third was twins and I was induced at 11a.m. and they were born by 5 p.m. with no more then ten minutes of pushing. Second twin was footling breech so doc tried to shove her back in and try to turn her, but she came back out feet first again. So he just delivered her that way. The shortest delivery time was the biggest baby too! lol So you just never know 🙂

  • My brother and I are half-siblings, with seperate moms. His mom had an easy pregnany with the worst birth imaginable. She had to get so many stitches down there it was unreal! It didn't help he was 23 inches long and like 11 pounds, Then my mom was so sick they thought I would be undeveloped, but she had the easiest delievery and she said it was practically pain freee. If only I will be so lucky! lol

  • You might find this a bit hard to believe, but my mother had my baby sister in 2 and half minutes…

    She had all four of us kids naturally and all of her labor times combined are less than 2 hours.

    Other women hate her…haha

  • That is completely how all 3 of my labors were. First child, no warnings just water broke ambulance came, not even 30 mins later as they were wheeling me into the labor ward the baby popped out. No pushing, no contractions. 2nd child came as I went in for a non stress test, water broke, out he slid. Not even 15 mins. 3rd child, went in for a weekly check, water broke as I got on table and bam baby girl came out. Luckily hospital was across the street. So I know for a fact its nothing to do with how your mother was like. My mother and sister all have 40+ hour labors. If I manage to go for a 4th child, I know my husband will be taking classes on how to deliver. His family has a joke they always make with me, call me Instant dinner babies. Since they are always born before a dinner can be dished. 🙂

  • I had a similar story! 14 minutes of labor, NO pushing, no pain 🙂 I am also 5'3" and weighed 114 lbs full term! Super blessed!

  • amazing!! i just had my 2nd child in february – 1hr 47min in total. no pushing involved … i just felt pressure & she was there!! midwives were on the other side of the room not really believing i was in labour! i *only just* made it to hospital on time (it's a fair wee drive away from our house) so next time i'll be getting my husband to read up on how to deliver a child too – just incase! or else get my midwives to camp out in my garden round due date! 🙂

  • You are all going to hate me but with both of my births the first sign of labour was my water breaking. My husband delivered both children in (unplanned) unassisted home births. My son's labour was three hours and 27 minutes from start to finish — I was having regular contractions about five minutes apart for about 45 minutes and we were in constant contact with our midwife when all of a sudden I said to my husband, "I think I feel the head." He looked and our son was being born. No joke — I did not push at all.

    With our daughter my water broke at 5:21 (first sign of labour once again) and she was born at 5:33. Once again, I did NOT push. She just came. We called our midwife as soon as my water broke and she didn't make it, arriving just seven minutes after the baby was born. My mom was in the shower and missed the ENTIRE thing!

    The thing about such a quick birth is that it is very shocking because seriously! Who gives birth that quickly?!?!

  • !!!! I can only hope and pray…and HOPE and pray some more for a delivery like that my next go around!!! My delivery with my son was 26 hours, which included 4-5 hours of PUSHING! When he was stuck in me, he broke my pelvic cartilage. He was too big for me to deliver but I did anyways…My doc was an idiot apparently..I did not know that after 3 hours of pushing you should do a c-section. My labor and delivery was a total nightmare and i am so lucky that my baby came out perfectly fine…other than the umbilical around his neck, he was blue and making a weird noise. But, now he is great.

  • These births were far easier than my own, but I still get the title of "easiest birth among the people I know." People hear mine and they hope they have it that well.

    3 days after due date, my water broke at 2am as I was preparing to go for a pregnant lady pee. Figured I had lots of time – we called some people, including the hospital for a head's up, I put on make-up to look decent for photos (yup!), put on earrings (yup!), and went online to update my Facebook status and email some people (yuh-huh!)

    This took about an hour. As I was becoming INCREASINGLY uncomfortable wasting time online, I interrupted my husband (taking a shower) to say WE SHOULD PROBABLY BE LEAVING *NOW*. Our hospital is only 10 minutes away, and man, was I squirming in my car seat. I waddled my fat pregnant butt into the delivery ward as fast as I could and said to the waiting nurses "EPIDURAL."

    I wasn't in pain at that point, just bad cramping, but based on the rapidly increasing discomfort, I knew I'd soon be a hot mess of hell. I mean, I'd gone from sleeping to really-funky-feeling muscle contractions in 70 minutes.

    They set me up and checked me out: 6 centimeters. It all took about 30 minutes to get all their needles into me and whatnot, and at that point I was asking "NO SERIOUSLY, where is the guy with the epidural??" 30 minutes later and I could deny no longer that this was some RIPPING PAIN. I was a writhing wreck. Got my epidural. 15 minutes in and was relaxing like it ain't no thang. Nurse checks me again: 10 centimeters. I could push if I wanted. I was like "Just got my epidural, give me a few minutes here, want to make sure I can't feel it if the little tike rips me in two." Had a nice conversation with everyone, enjoying the moment.

    Waited awhile, but even an epidural can't make you feel like you don't have to give birth. They called in the doctor…. I think I was in actual labour for 30 minutes.

    My daughter was born at 5:30am. Won't say there wasn't tearing, won't say she fell out of me, but there were no complications and I feel pretty lucky. 3 1/2 hours from the very start to the very finish, not bad. Of the friends I have with kids, no one's was easier than mine, so I hold the crown so far. Baby #2 is due in 2 months: can I beat my old record and pop him out in 2 hours without stitches?? Challenge accepted!!

  • My brother in law is a doctor, and one time when he was at the hospital a lade came in wearing leggings and said she thinks she might be in labor. Just then all the sudden there was a bulge that started sliding down one side of her leggings. Annnnd that was the baby. Kind of disturbing, but also awesome.

  • Mine wasn't quite this short, but I was induced. When I was admitted, I was already at a 4 (but no contractions). Progressed to a 5, got an epidural (my mom always had quick labors), doctor broke my water, took a half hour nap, woke up to intense pressure – time to have the baby! Went from a 5 to 10 in half an hour!

  • This was my mom. First baby 4 hours of mild contractions and out she came. Second baby (me) one hour from first contraction to baby. I was born in the car, and my mom said that honestly, it was a way better way to go then the first, where she went in to the hospital at the first contraction and basically had everyone telling her that she couldn't possibly be progressing as fast as she did.

    I only wish I'd inherited this one – my two have been fair to middling, although I suspect #1 would have been a lot faster and easier if I had ignored the nurse who put me on my back and gone on all 4s, which felt more 'right'. Funny, I don't think of myself as retiring, but it wasn't till I had one birth under my belt, as it were, that I was able to tell the nurse to F-off and do what felt best.

  • Is there any way you can turn this into a give away? Like you choose a random comment and that person gets whatever the hell is in this lady's DNA that makes labor so short and painless? If you agree, pick me! I'm due with our first in 5 months and would really like to not be stressing about how not fun labor is going to be!

  • Wow! I was thinking for the second that I'm surprised they didn't go for a home birth. Glad they did for the third.

    Mine was 8-9 hours start to finish, including an hour of pushing. I went from 5-6 cm to 9+ and pushing in an hour and a half and I thought that was fast.

  • I am so jealous! With my little guy I was induced, and had 3 hours of pushing with a vacuum. And at the very end they were prepping the OR for a c-section. Luckliy he came out before we gave up on pushing. Will I get a free pass on the next one? To be honest I'd be happy with just 2 hours of pushing!

  • Can I just tell you that this also scares the crap out of me? This is my first pregnancy and at my last 3 appointments they have said, we deliver at xxx hospital, are you sure that's OK? and I go yeah, that's a great hospital, I read great things about maternity there. Well that hospital is a 45 min drive down a Highway that is prone to traffic being dead stopped at certain times of the day. Scary

  • You're a hilarious writer and I totally envy this neighbor of yours. Tho I'm sure she gets the "nod and smile" or "roll eyes" whenever she tells the story, so maybe I'm not so envious after all. Since I had a difficult birth the 1st time, can I get a golden ticket for the 2nd one? Can I? Can I? Hehe…

  • To all you first time mothers…no matter what happens in your birthing experience, it will be the most miraculous event you will ever endure. Just remember that! Women have been pushing little babes out for centuries…you can do it! Amy, another great blog! Always love reading you!!

  • Cool story!
    I have had 6 kids (and yeah,"that's all, folks") and thought mine were easy but 22 minutes! WOW!
    My first labour and delivery was an hour and a half from start to finish but totally excruciating. Second, a footling breech, was 2 hours 19 min., 3rd was a frank breech also around 2 hours, 4th was just under 11 pounds and took 2 hours 17 min., 5th was almost 10 pounds and came after 40 min. of mildly crampy discomfort. No actual pain at all with him-in fact, I've had much worse menstrual cramps. He was breech too but the doctor turned him. Last baby was normal weight and about the same time as the others. All were normal vaginal deliveries.
    And, like Megan, I was just a wee thing; 5'5" and 109 lbs.

  • No. Way. And I thought my sister had it good. She had fallen asleep and the next thing she knew, a nurse was waking her up saying, "It's time to push, the head is coming out!"

    I'm going to send this link to all my pregnant friends! You're right- there are so many horror birth stories, it'd be nice to throw in a good one for first-time moms!

    Great site!

  • My dad is a gyno and his explanation for these kinds of labors and those miraculous women who go au-nautural for labor is that some women don't have nerves in thier uteruses; hence, they don't feel the contractions. Miraculous. In. Deed. I was not so blessed.

  • Ok, with baby #2 I'm wondering WHY did they bother trying to get to the hospital? lol Good for dad delivering #3 himself, seemed like it was kind of inevitable. lol

  • Holy shit what a great story! I laughed so hard reading this, partly because of your storytelling prowess, but also because this is so far removed from my personal experience it almost ISN'T funny. But I can only only hope that when baby #2 comes around my luck might change. But considering I can never figure out tip, I have big tits but also a big ass, and suck at sports, I think I'm pretty much fucked.

  • Damn her! What kind of messed up sh*t is that? I had a 5 hour labor which was an induction – not too shabby, but honestly I think I would have been scared if it happened this fast!!!

  • HaHa!!! That is me. Not as quick but pretty close. The problem with both of my labors was that my water broke and I didn't have contractinos right away. They actually didn't start til it was close to time to push…lol. If I have another I think I will go to the hospital as soon as the water breaks.

  • I had a quick birth too. I had back pains in the morning but thought it was from shovelling snow 2 days before, since I'd done pretty much no exercise the whole time I was preggers. My husband and I were supposed to go for lunch that afternoon but I told him to head out by himself.

    Then my back pains got a bit more painful so I called the hospital and they said it was probably nothing. My water broke an hour later and I still couldn't get hold of my husband, so I called everyone else, but nobody answered their freakin' phone. Finally, I got my brother in law who was leaving for his honeymoon in 2 hours to drive me to the hospital.

    The nurses thought I was exagerating when I ran up (as fast as a pregnant lady in labour can run) yelling that the baby was coming so they took their sweet time until they realized I was 8 cm dialated. By the time they got my clothes off and me into the other room the baby was crowning.

    My husband finally showed up 10 minutes later which was 5 minutes before the doctor, who walked into the room in his coat, saw the baby's head and gowned up over his winter jacket. Two pushes later Evelyn was born just 1 hour after my water broke. I signed the forms giving hospital permission to deliver after I already had her in my arms. She's my first baby.

  • LOL. This is my first time here and this is so funny. With my first he was late but when my water broke we went to the hospital (15-20 min drive) an they stuck me in a room and didnt check on me for 10 mins. Someone finally came in to get my insurance info and I said I felt like I needed to poop. Next thing you know she is yelling for the nurse and then I am getting pushed into another room with them asking me a million questions (where i told my husband "please tell them to shut the hell up") and telling me its time to push.

  • Wow, what a story! And I thought I had it easy. I just had my first kid in June, and she came after 2 1/2 hours of labor and 15 min pushing. I was induced but it took over 12 hours for me to actually get any contractions, so I wasn't actually in labor that whole time, just bored. I'm hoping the next one is faster. 🙂

  • No kidding ladies. Clean your bathtub! Baby #4 (after 2 c-sections and an epidural) was giving me contractions about every 15-20 minutes, so I finally went to bed. Slept and hour, woke up to a big contraction, laid down for another 15 minutes, woke up to a REALLY BIG ONE and thought I was going to mess my pants. Ran to the toilet and started to strain, then thought "Wait a second …" reached down, felt the tip of a head. I screamed to hubby, jumped into the dry tub that was still full of kids' toys from their bath the previous night, scootched the toys out of the way, and out came the little guy with the next contraction! He was only 5.5 lbs so I think that helped. But seriously? The kids do NOT get out of the tub without picking up all the toys now!! Bugs me to no end when Daddy bathes them and forgets.

  • I'm one of those annoying women, I guess. First kid, water broke at 1:45, born at 4:06. Second one, six hours (that was an induction) and third one four hours, 9 min of which was pushing. Let me just say in my defense: too fast is just as scary in its own way as way too slow.

    My mom had agonizingly long labors for all her kids. It really is the luck of the draw sometimes.

  • My aunt labors like that. First one she had in an hour and some change the second took like 38 minutes, or something like that. Delivered the baby in the ER and they had to cut her pants off of her on the gurney. They told my uncle that if he would have stopped for coffee (like he wanted) he would have delivered the baby in his truck,LOL

  • That sort of labor needs to happen to me! Is there some secret place where you can sign up for that?

    Mine was 62 hours of labor followed by 21 minutes of pushing :/

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