Here are some more comebacks for the dumb questions that people ask. A few of these zingers are from Twitter and Facebook peeps!
“Feeling fat yet?”
- Whoa, I was just going to ask you the same thing. How weird is that?!
- That’s right. Feelin’ phat with a “ph”, Hooker.
- You feelin’ lucky, Punk?
“You still haven’t had that baby yet?”
- I’m trying to hold it in so I can finish a novel I’m working on.
- Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.
- Don’t worry; you will know when your husband starts paying child support.
- I had it yesterday but I’m trying to shoplift this basketball so could you bugger off?
“You better sleep now because once that baby gets here…”
- Why!? Don’t they sleep?! Next you’ll tell me they poop too.
- (lower your voice then say) Actually, I don’t sleep now. I just sneak into your bedroom and watch you sleep. You sleep like an angel. My secret, dirty, little angel.
- Sleep is for pussies and ugly people.
“Was this an accident?”
- Were you?
- As much of an accident as if I fired out and punched you in the face right now.
- Yes! I tripped and fell on a dick.
“You’re so small!”
- A really heavy person said that to me yesterday too. I guess it’s all relative.
- I had my internal organs removed so I wouldn’t have to buy bigger pants.
- I know. I can still deliver a clean roundhouse to someone’s face. Isn’t that great?