Clever Pregnancy Comebacks : Part Two

Here are some more comebacks for the dumb questions that people ask. A few of these zingers are from Twitter and Facebook peeps!

“Feeling fat yet?”

  • Whoa, I was just going to ask you the same thing. How weird is that?!
  • That’s right. Feelin’ phat with a “ph”, Hooker.
  • You feelin’ lucky, Punk?

“You still haven’t had that baby yet?”

  • I’m trying to hold it in so I can finish a novel I’m working on.
  • Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.
  • Assholethatstatestheobvioussayswhat?
  • Don’t worry; you will know when your husband starts paying child support.
  • I had it yesterday but I’m trying to shoplift this basketball so could you bugger off?

“You better sleep now because once that baby gets here…”

  • Why!? Don’t they sleep?! Next you’ll tell me they poop too.
  • (lower your voice then say) Actually, I don’t sleep now. I just sneak into your bedroom and watch you sleep. You sleep like an angel. My secret, dirty, little angel.
  • Sleep is for pussies and ugly people.

“Was this an accident?”

  • Were you?
  • As much of an accident as if I fired out and punched you in the face right now.
  • Yes! I tripped and fell on a dick.

“You’re so small!”

  • A really heavy person said that to me yesterday too. I guess it’s all relative.
  • I had my internal organs removed so I wouldn’t have to buy bigger pants.
  • I know. I can still deliver a clean roundhouse to someone’s face. Isn’t that great?

Check out part one, part three and the multiple edition as well!

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  • I went back to work after maternity leave, my beautiful daughter being stillborn and was asked in the bathroom "When are you going to have that baby?" being reminded of my loss as well as being called fat.

  • I love when people ask "you know how that happens?" Meaning pregnancy again my 3rd. Answer is still "yeah, I swallowed with the wrong set of lips!" There is usually a gasp and quick dash in the opposite direction. As I laugh 🙂

  • OMG this is awesome. I am just starting to tell people and I get all manner of was this a surprise/were you trying questions. My husband said I should say, "well, it’s going to be a real surprise for me because my boyfriend is black but my husband is white…so….I guess we’ll see."

  • Person from work yesterday asked me how many babies I was carrying ‘in there’. My response: "I think that’s between me and my uterus, don’t you?" Amazing how quickly they can shut up. lol.

  • After a weekend of wedding buffets, my new favorite is "Wow, baby must be hungry!" Regardless of what is on my plate. I’ve always had anxiety about getting "too much" at the buffet, so this is just tops. I’m 5’9", 150 lbs, 28 weeks along. Let me eat my effing meal.

  • People tell me I'm small for being 39 weeks, even though I measure 42 and am the same size when I delivered my twins. I tell them I tend to lose weight when pregnant even though I want to yell at them "IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE FROM ME!"
    I also love when people ask if I'm nervous about labour. I had my chance to opt out of it, dumbass.

  • When I was 6 mo preggo, I went to Boston with my husband in his Big Rig. We stopped at a truck stop in VA for supper/sleep. The other drivers were very courteous, but I can't say that about the middle-aged waitress. She had the gall to ask me what I was doing in a truck stop in that condition. Like pregnant women don't have to pee ALL THE TIME. I wish I had had the courage to say what came to mind: "What, you don't think lot lizards get knocked up?"

  • Since I am 22 and not married (but have been in a relationship with my boyfriend) the first few months of my pregnancy I always got the question, "do you know who the father is!?" at first, I was in such shock that someone would ask that and didn't have a response. I eventually started to say with a straight face "well, I've narrowed it down to three…" if they still had that look on their face I would chime in "if the baby is black, I know for sure who the father is"

  • I work in a restaurant/bar and I'm 6 months along with my 2nd kid. I work evenings bartending and get a lot of "WTF is she doing here," looks along with the classic, "are you having twins/you must be having twins." I have yet to think of an appropriate response to a patron saying something so stupid to me while I'm at work. The best I could do thus far is just to give them a look and walk away. It's better than getting sued for a punch in the face…

  • Reply for Christina M's post
    Anyone have a suggestion for this question my MIL just asked me?: "Why are you going to the doctor so much?" (Background info: I am going once a month, like I am supposed to, and she frequently tells me that she never went to the doctor for any of her 3 pregnancies – 4 kids – until she was at least 6 months along.)

    My step MIL used to ask me that all the time. Along with telling me that when her children were 1 month old, she started feeding them solid food (and I'm not talking baby food in a jar- I'm talking like pieces of chicken, rice, etc.)
    When having a family dinner at a nice restaurant, she kept insisting to me that instead of giving my 1 1/2 month old child a bottle of breastmilk for dinner, I should just give her bites off of my plate. I finally worked up the courage to yell, "Just because you didn't care about your kids safety, doesn't mean that I can't care about mine!" And that was that 🙂

  • Don’t worry; you will know when your husband starts paying child support.
    I had it yesterday but I'm trying to shoplift this basketball so could you bugger off?

    lol LOVED THESE and will use them next time someone says "OMG you havent had the baby yet." or my favorite "When will you have the baby?"

  • Oh! I love the roundhouse kick comment! Up until week 36 (I'm at week 38 now) all I heard from people was how small I was. Which I think some people mean to be flattering? But it is unnerving after a while. I wish I could have come up with something like that. Awesomeness.

  • Since I am very tall, the baby (due any day now) has plenty of room and I am not actually showing much. This situation solicits a lot of "wow, you're small!" comments. My standard come-back is "yup, jealous?!" or "Finally!!!! I have always been considered big and now at 9-months pregnant I am a small person!"

    Oddly enough, though, I have become completely numb to all the stories of horrible deliveries, sleepless nights, piles of poopy diapers and my life being shot to smithereens. There is nothing I can do about it anymore, is there? Cross my legs and not let the baby out? So I tend to just shut off my brain and nod. 😛

  • Anyone have a suggestion for this question my MIL just asked me?: "Why are you going to the doctor so much?" (Background info: I am going once a month, like I am supposed to, and she frequently tells me that she never went to the doctor for any of her 3 pregnancies – 4 kids – until she was at least 6 months along.)

  • I had a woman at work tell me: "Are you sure you're pregnant? Pregnant womens' chests usually get bigger when they're pregnant, and your's looks the same."


    I'm 16 weeks and not showing much, so maybe she thinks that gives her the right to say an asinine thing like that? I guess?

  • Oh, and my personal favorite: "How long were you trying for?" And my response, "Well, I think this time it was for about 10 minutes, but you never can tell when those orgasms are gonna happen."

    I figure if they want to know my personal bidness, I be tellin' em my personal bidness.

  • Hahahaha. "Why!? Don't they sleep?! Next you'll tell me they poop too." My best friend likes to tell me how much they poop when I tell stories of other people's children pooping. She tells me "you better get used to it, that's what they do!". Hahaha. Thanks for the tip, genius. I had no idea that babies pooped. They should put that in a book somewhere.

  • I used to get the "You havent had that baby yet?" comment from coworkers all the time.
    Finally I started replying "Actually, I had the baby last week. I just love work & maternity clothes so much I couldnt stay away from either ::chuckle::"

    Now, at 25 wks w/my 2nd baby, I get "OMG you're PREGNANT!!!!!!!!" from family & coworkers. I look down at my way-bigger-than-25-weeks-looking-belly and then look up at them, gasp and say "OMG is THAT whats going on? I thought I was just getting fat, LOL".

  • My favorite response I had when someone asked me at 8 months (12lb baby – yes just 1) If I was pregnant:
    I said "No, I'm incubating an alien!"

  • Your timing is impeccable! My baby shower is in just a couple of weeks and I can already assure you that a few of these little gems will be used. These are so much better than just telling everyone to “Suck it!”

  • Um…Totally writing "I had my internal organs removed so I wouldn't have to buy bigger pants." on my hand for work tomorrow. One of my bosses informs me I'm carrying to small every time I see her! LOVE this series!

  • omg I love you. This is what I needed this morning. I keep getting "that kid is gonna be HUGE" and the "you haven't had it yet?" to which I respond "yeah I had it I'm just really fat thanks for noticing."

  • My Mother-In-Law can't stop calling me skinny. It bothers the hell out of me. With 15 weeks left in this pregnancy, I'm going to need about 30 additional comebacks for her. Any suggestions would be GREAT!

    love. love. love. this blog.

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