My Daughter Ate A Roly-Poly (And 6 Other Things I Pretend Not To See)


Having kids is a glamour-less business. Until I had children I had never talked so much about bodily fluids, seen so many bodily fluids, touched so many bodily fluids. Ewwww! With so many things to address, so many things to clean up, so many ‘don’t touch that’s’ and ‘don’t stick that up there’s’ there are some things you’ve just got to let go. So here are my confessions of things I pretended I didn’t see.

 

Snacking on insects

I feed my children well. They love their food and rarely turn anything down. Maybe that’s why a roly-poly seemed like perfectly good fodder to my toddler. I’m not a creepy crawly fan but I never want to pass that irrational fear onto my children, so when I saw the grey little fellow rushing by her, I pointed him out. She watched him for a while, leading him to believe she wouldn’t hurt him. I turned around for a split second only to return to see no sign of her little friend, but a satisfied look on her face as she happily crunched.

It’s just protein, right? I’ve eaten chocolate covered grasshoppers. What’s the harm? Gulp! I said nothing.

 

Spit-up shoulder

Come on, we’ve all done this I’m sure. Just leaving to go out of the door and I catch a glimpse of my tired, crumpled face in the mirror. I’ve put my make-up on, done my hair and tried my best to make myself look vaguely human on zero sleep. Scroll down a bit, and there it is, baby sick all over my shoulder. Give it a little rub and go. Who’s going to notice anyway?

 

Little vandal

My little girl is an angel when it comes to playing nicely at playgroup. No really. She’s always the one who is left stunned because another kid has stolen a toy she’s playing with, messed up an elaborate game by powering through it with a truck, or bounced her off the bouncy castle. I’m glad it’s that way around, I don’t want a bully but I do want her to stand up for herself.

That’s why I turned a blind eye when she randomly, but knowingly dived into the tower that kid had just built. I know it wasn’t on, but she was finally retaliating. I know tit for tat isn’t good parenting but this child makes her cry every week and a part of me was pleased to see her stand up for herself. If she does it again, I’ll tell her off, but on this occasion, I let her have it. I saw the Mum checking me out, moaning to her friend that I wasn’t watching my children. I saw! I chose to ignore.

 

Backwards is the new forwards

I know her t-shirt is on back to front but she did it all by herself and is so proud. It’s not like her shoes are on the wrong feet. Not today at least…

 

What’s that smell?

That moment when you’re just walking out the door (finally! It’s never an easy task as you know) and you smell poo. I know if I sniff the baby’s nappy I will have acknowledged the smell enough to have to do something about it. Thing is, I just have to get my daughter to pre-school. Now. It will have to wait. I’m so sorry you poor neglected second child.

 

5-second rule

My youngest just loves to throw her food out of the highchair and onto the floor. I have to make 4 times what she is going to eat. So when we are at someone’s house and they’ve made a normal size portion which goes on the floor and my eldest daughter helps her little sister by picking it all up and putting it back on her plate, that’s ok, right? I didn’t (uh-hum) see and the floor is clean I’m sure. 5 Second rule?

 

Graffiti artist

The house was gorgeous. Totally spotless. The perfect place for my little terror to get all artistic on the wall with those crayons that were left out very trustingly. Now, I don’t want to make a big deal of this, I think I can sort it out. Thank goodness for wet wipes!

Parenting is all about picking your battles after all. To get through the day we just have to let some things slide.

Related:

12 Hilarious and Sweet Thoughts From my First 6 Months of Motherhood

Topics:Motherhood
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1 Comment

  • In the span of one day, my kid knowingly touched dog excremement (I didn’t have fresh wipes on me) and then a few hours later on, used a plastic cup to scoop water up, not from a sprinkler but from the puddle underneath the sprinkler. And then drank it, obviously. Her water bottle, offered as alternative clearly didn’t compete. A mom sitting next to me was like, “Did you see that?” I said, “Uh huh and my options are to either strap her into her stroller for the rest of this park visit or pretend I’m not seeing it.”
    For those of you with children of different ages or personality types, I know you think I’m the most horribly negligent parent out there. Maybe so, but I challenge you to watch my daughter on your standards for a single day and survive to tell the tale.

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