Losing It – Week Two

The iceberg is moving, people.

Last week I met with Lianne from Sprout Right to pick her brain about the differences between kamut and whole wheat bread. Oh, and I’ll save you some embarrassment and tell you it’s pronounced “ka-moot” and not “ka-mut” because why would you spell something the way it should be pronounced – very Stoo-pud.

yogurt

Anyway, Lianne is brilliant and beautiful and knows everything there is to know about nutrition. I want to carry her around in a backpack like Luke did with Yoda in Empire Strikes Back so she can smack my hand and say, “eat crap fries you shouldn’t”. I doubt if she would go for that though.

She gave me some fabulous tips like making my beloved chip dip with Greek yogurt instead of sour cream because it has way more protein and she explained the whole philosophy behind her meal plans.

I even joined her facebook page so I can have her free, ongoing support for questions like, “I hate mushrooms. Can I leave them out of the risotto or are they important?” or “what the hell is an oatcake and where do I find them?”

After doing her two week meal plan it really was refreshing to know what I really should be eating and how much of it I should be eating to maintain a healthy lifestyle. This is my biggest problem with cookbooks because after I’ve eaten my chicken wrap or whatever, I decide that I haven’t eaten enough then eat something stupid (or stoo-pud).

This meal plan is completely balanced from breakfast to dinner so I just run on auto-pilot and I’m sure it was a ridiculous amount of work to put together.

jump

As for my workout with my lovely Jillian, Natalie and Anita who collectively have 6% body fat, I am plugging along. Even though it really isn’t pretty and I don’t let anyone watch me do it, it looks like I’m getting results no matter how pathetic my double jump rope is.

I kind of go between workout one and two because I get bored easily and I also don’t do well if I remember that some plank jack move is coming up, so it’s good to keep me guessing. I’m starting to lipsync to what she’s saying too – “I could always use a good chest fly in my life.”

If you ever decide to do this crazy workout, I recommend you buy two sets of weights. I started out with 5lb weights that I had lying around and quickly realized that I couldn’t do any of the shoulder exercises with them so I went to Walmart and bought 2lb weights. It’s way better.

So here I am at the end of my second week and I’m convinced that I have lost at least 9, 12, 120 pounds. Nope. 2.5lbs. So 5.5lbs in two weeks. Damn.

My mother was down for a week and she lost 6lbs in the time she was here and my husband has lost 9 because that bastard can look at a carrot stick and drop 5 pounds. So what went wrong? Could all my Shredding be adding muscle? I don’t know but I want some results, dammit. Then I remember the measurements that I took – you know, the ones that make me throw up in my mouth – and I’ve lost an inch off my thighs, an inch off my hips and an inch-and-a-half off my waist. Woot. There’s the shitz.

I’ve got two more weeks. I figure it’s all going to drop off me like a shattered windshield cuz that’s how it happens – screw this slow and steady shit. I can hear Lianne though, “eat well and the weight will come off you must.” (She really doesn’t talk like that and she doesn’t look anything like Yoda. I promise.)

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