There are a lot of surprises in motherhood. The reality of childbirth, the length of recovery, the all-encompassing love (or not) that you immediately (or not) feel for your child…
Don’t get me wrong, some things about motherhood are discussed ad nauseam, but some of it is only discussed in hushed tones with your closest friends or family.
One of the things that isn’t talked about nearly enough is how wet being a new mother is. From amniotic fluid to breastmilk, there’s a whole lot of liquid in a new mom’s life. And a lot of it will make you wrinkle your nose and say, WTF?! So I’m here to tell you how to correctly find and identify all the strange fluids you’ll be exposed to in your new life as a mom:
1. Oh no, did I just pee my pants? Or did my water just break?
You’re nearing the end of your pregnancy and officially on baby watch. Every time you feel a little puddle of wetness in your underwear you get ready to sound the alarms, “This is it, it’s show time!” Only it’s probably not. Unfortunately when you’re really pregnant (or if you’ve had more than one child already), you may have little accidents or leak urine. I know for me every time I was excited that my water had broken it ended up being pee, and the two times that my water did break it was so
obviously not pee.
2. Why is my shirt wet?!
First you must identify which part of your shirt is wet. Is it your shoulder? Because then it’s most likely spit up. Is it in your boob region? Then it sounds like you’re leaking breastmilk. Is it down by your stomach? Were you just holding a tiny squishy human that may or may not have filled their diaper while in the comfort of your arms? If so, it’s pee or poop or some weird combination of both.
3. You’ve discovered a strange cup with a handle protruding from the side, filled with a cold dark liquid.
That’s the coffee you didn’t have a chance to finish when you poured it and have since forgotten about. If it’s been microwaved at least two times prior it’s time to forget about it for good – admit defeat, and dump it down the drain. If not, what the heck, throw it in the microwave again. Go for broke.
4. It’s the middle of the night and my whole body is soaking wet.
See items one and two. If neither of those explain your situation than you are probably experiencing the postpartum sweats. Sure, nobody talks about them and they are super freaky the first time you go through it, but it’s totally “normal.” Thank your raging hormones for that one.
5. All. The. Tears. All. The. Time.
Speaking of hormones… Maybe you just watched the Pampers Swaddlers commercial (gets me every time, that mom holding her baby for the first time in the delivery room), or maybe you haven’t slept in a week and the very sound of your newborns cries reduce you to a blubbery mess. Or, even stranger yet, maybe your newborn just made the most perfect poop and it moved you to tears (hey, I said it was weird). There are a plethora of reasons why you may be crying right now, and they don’t have to make sense.
6. You’re drooling.
Congratulations, you probably just fell asleep for two minutes while you were sitting on the toilet trying to pee as quietly as humanly possible and drooled. Enjoy it, it may be the only sleep you get today.
There are plenty of things that are weird and wet when you become a mom, whether it’s your first time or your third. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, and don’t expect anything you are wearing to be clean for the next
month and a half four years.
Related: 5 Universal Truths of New Motherhood