Third Pregnancy Be Like…

Let me start by saying this: the differences between a first and third pregnancy are like the differences between a Duggar and a Kardashian. Besides the fact that you start showing when you’re still in the single digit week markers, your exhaustion level is multiplied by three since you’re also chasing around two other small humans.

I’m currently baking my third bun in my oven (funny, because I don’t bake and if I did it definitely wouldn’t be a bun….um, can you say Chocolate Lava Cake?) and it’s pretty clear that this time around, things are on a whole new level.

For starters, you know you’re pregnant before you even buy one of those over-priced sticks. Tingly boobs, dull cramps, peeing every hour? Yup, pregnant. Thankfully, this saves you quite a bit of money compared to the first time around when you insisted on testing with multiple brands multiple times.

Third pregnancy be like “Save your cash for diapers.”

So you share the news with your partner as he’s brushing his teeth in the morning. “Really?” he sputters, as toothpaste sprays a little in your face. You silently celebrate by hugging and whispering because your other two kids are still sleeping and not even this joyous revelation is worth their premature awakening.

Third pregnancy be like “No time for elaborately planned pregnancy reveals.”

You’re both thrilled. Thrilled, yet not afraid to be realistic. Gone is the “ignorance is bliss” mentality from baby #1. Also gone is the “well maybe the next one will be different” mentality from baby #2. Nope, we’re probably going to end up with another colicky, spit up baby who won’t be put down and then develops the attitude of a teenager by age two.

Third pregnancy be like “This is gonna suck for a while.”

The first trimester exhaustion kicks in, and while you remember that familiar feeling of being run down by a semi, it’s taken to a whole new, debilitating level when also parenting two kids under 4. That’s why you’re rejoicing in the early bedtimes you’ve instilled in your kids. Because that means that the minute they’re tucked in, you’re taking the little poppy seed in your abdomen and hitting the sheets yourself. Truth: you’ve even heard them still playing quietly in their beds before nodding off to dreamland, while you’re fighting to keep your eyelids open until 7:45 p.m. Yes, lately you’ve been asleep before your one year old.

Third pregnancy be like “Damn, I missed final Jeopardy again.”

Before you’ve even started telling friends and family, you’ve already pulled out your tub of maternity clothes at 8 weeks pregnant (WTF is up with that!?). The “baby” is literally the size of a blueberry, yet you look the same as you did at 5 months with baby #1.

Third pregnancy be like “You’re gonna be bigger, get over it.”

But that tub of cute, trendy clothes has now turned into a fun thing for your kids to climb on and jump off of.  You think you’re actually wearing that stuff this time? Ha. You have two toddlers. Why ruin perfectly good maternity clothes that you hope to resell for one-eighth of their original prices?

Third pregnancy be like “Hubby’s T-shirts will do.”

Speaking of showing much earlier than the first two times, this apparently gives people the go-ahead to comment on your growing belly. “You’re belly is so big!” the cashier exclaims when you tell her you’re only 24 weeks along. But instead of the polite smile you might have displayed before, your hormones have given up on the idiocy and rudeness of others. “And your chin is so hairy!” you reply without a moment’s pause before going on your way.

Third pregnancy be like “If you’re gonna deal it out, better be prepared to get it back. Sorry not sorry.”

Yeah, preggo ladies just don’t have time for fake politeness the third time around. So when everyone (literally everyone) comments that “you must be trying for a boy,” you curtly respond that you’d gladly welcome a healthy baby over a gender preference any day.

Third pregnancy be like, “Both genders does not a perfect family make.”

Maybe it’s just the fatigue, or maybe the thought of you and your spouse being officially outnumbered by rugrats, but pregnancy #3 comes with a whole new set of emotions and expectations.  Nevertheless, I’m trying to relish in the miracle that pregnancy is…all while eating my store-bought lava cake.

 Related: Life with Three Kids
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