My Bad-ass Sprinkle Cake Recipe

Some of you were dazzled by the sprinkle cake I posted on Facebook and asked me for the recipe. It has nothing to do with pregnancy except that cake is awesome and sometimes pregnant women love cake.

If you don’t know the story behind this cake, here’s the background: my sister-in-law is a cake master. She makes all the cakes for the birthdays. We try to group the family birthday celebrations and she shares hers with my nephew and my son (who were both born in 2006).

I felt bad that she had to bake her own cake for her birthday – she already agreed to see the Lego Movie as the birthday “event” – so I volunteered to do it.

Easy peasy. How hard is a cake, right?

Hard. Fucking hard.

It turns out that baking requires patience, precision and practice, and I have none of these attributes.

No matter! It’s nothing Pinterest can’t solve!

So I find this sprinkle cake on Pinterest. Isn’t it pretty?

I decide it’s the perfect cake for Sue. I will do her proud! She will have her mighty birthday cake!

This is how I made it:

  • The original recipe is from scratch. Fuck that. Get yourself two boxes of Duncan Hines Moist Deluxe in Classic White.
  • Mix it up according to the directions. It uses egg whites and I have no idea why. I thought maybe it was because it would tint the cake yellow but I didn’t want to mess with it because you can’t break the rules if you don’t know the rules.
  • I greased and floured four (technically your need five) 8” round baking pans.
  • I poured 300g of white mix into one pan following the original instructions (Yes, I measured and it is the closest I’ve ever felt to being a real baker. Suck it fancy, Martha Stewart.)
  • Then I added a bit of purple food colouring to the mix and filled the next pan with 300g. I live really close to a fancy cake decorating store in Toronto called McCalls and I bought the food colouring there. The brand is Spectrum, in Royal Purple – Ameri Color looks like the same brand in the U.S.
  • I did this a total of five times, each time adding a little more purple in.
  • I baked the cake(s) in a 350º oven for 20 minutes. Stick a toothpick in to make sure it comes out clean.
  • Then you need to cool the cakes in the pan, then take them out and cool them on a rack. This is where my patience was tested….”Must. Ice. Hot. Cake!” but I knew that was bad so I waited.

Then I used this butter cream recipe from Kitchen Magpie. She’s right. It is the best butter cream recipe. I had to double it because I don’t know how thick a crumb coat is supposed to be and, c’mon, icing, man. People love that shit. There was a pound of butter on this cake.

  • I put a thwap of icing on the cake-circle-thing (board) because it was sliding. I’m told you can buy a stick thing to put in it but I didn’t know those existed.
  • Then I iced my cool cake with a crumb coat and stuck it in the fridge.
  • Once it was cooled, I put the rest of the icing on it.
  • Then I stuck it on a cookie sheet and put a whole container of sprinkles on it. Sprinkles are nature’s way of covering stupidity. God bless you, sprinkles. I just kept picking the sprinkles up off the cookie sheet and patting them on. It took a little while but it looked pretty cool.

It think it turned out okay! My sprinkle cake. Classy. Surprising. And covered in a pound of butter. Just like me.

P.S. This is the cake I’m making next year.

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