Pregnancy Calendar Week 1- 42

Week 1 of Pregnancy

Let’s be honest here, there really is no week one. This is the first day of your last period and this is what you’ll…

Week 2 of Pregnancy

You’re still not pregnant, but your body is building up your uterine lining to prep for ovulation. If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice an…

Week 3 of Pregnancy

Now you’ve gone and done it and fertilized an egg, you dirty birds. Nice work. The fertilized egg is now a zygote. Which I…

Week 4 of Pregnancy

So your blastocyst has parked itself on your uterine wall and it has split in two – one side will become the embryo, and…

Week 5 of Pregnancy

This is around the time that you usually know something is up. Where the hell is my period? Why do my boobs hurt? Why…

Week 6 of Pregnancy

How ya feeling, Bud? I love how movies and television always make morning sickness cute. We’ve all seen shows where the woman that realizes…

Week 7 of Pregnancy

Hooray, your baby has paddles and a tail! No, that’s a good thing because the paddles become arms and legs and the tail becomes…

Week 8 of Pregnancy

Shark baby has webbed fingers and toes now making it more bad-ass than ever even though its tail is pretty much gone. It’s starting to…

Week 9 of Pregnancy

Let’s see. What have we got now? Eyes in the right place? Check. Movement? Check (even though you still can’t feel it). An audible…

Week 10 of Pregnancy

Your baby is somewhere between the size of a cherry or prune, depending on what book you’re reading or how freaky big your fruit…

Week 11 of Pregnancy

Your baby is starting to look less alien now. Woot. He or she has hands and feet, a tongue and a nose and some…

Week 12 of Pregnancy

If you can believe it, your baby has fingernails now. In no time these will be used to scratch your face with razor sharp…

Week 13 of Pregnancy

Your kid has fingerprints now so it better give up on that bank heist it was planning. It’s probably for the best seeing as…

Week 14 of Pregnancy

Second trimester! Can I get a woot woot? Have these been the longest weeks of your life, or what? By the time you have…

Week 15 of Pregnancy

Your baby’s ears have migrated to the side of their head for many, many years of ignoring you down the road. The little weeble…

Week 16 of Pregnancy

“Hi kiddo, that’s the world you hear because your ears work!” Cue the cool tunes because your baby can hear them now. It’s also…

Week 17 of Pregnancy

Way to pork up, kid! No, not you, your baby, well, if you’re like me, then you too (high five). Your baby is about…

Week 18 of Pregnancy

“Arrrgh, son-of-a-bitch leg cramp!” is something you may have uttered recently. Most likely it was when you were in bed after finally getting to…

Week 19 of Pregnancy

You may have already had your mid-pregnancy ultrasound (often called a Level II Ultrasound, Fetal Anatomy Survey or a Fetal Anomaly Screen) because you…

Week 20 of Pregnancy

Woohoo! Halfway point! Do a victory lap around the block! Ha, no, fuck that noise, you do what you want, you’ve earned it, honey….

Week 21 of Pregnancy

Your baby is a whopping three-quarters of a pound (or 360 grams) and is about 101/2  inches long which is about the size of…

Week 22 of Pregnancy

Guess who’s about the size of a Barbie doll? Hint: it isn’t you. Yep, your baby is about the length of a Barbie but…

Week 23 of Pregnancy

How ya doin’, Sugar? Speaking of sugar, you’re going to be coming up for your glucose screening test to make sure you’re not rockin’…

Week 24 of Pregnancy

Guess what? We’ve made it to the point where your baby is as long as a footlong sub –I’ve been dying to use that…

Week 25 of Pregnancy

I know! Let’s talk about pre-term labour. Fun or what? Now don’t pretend you haven’t googled the shit out of how far along you…

Week 26 of Pregnancy

Hang in there, kid, you’re doing great! Pregnancy may be taking its toll by now. Some of you are saying, “What are you talking…

Week 27 of Pregnancy

How ya doin’? Are you scared about the whole birth thing? I don’t think there are many women that aren’t nervous about giving birth…

Week 28 of Pregnancy

Woohoo! Third trimester, baby! Your baby is around 16 inches long and 2.5 pounds so pick up a random Chihuahua on the street to…

Week 29 of Pregnancy

Hey stretch marks, guess what? You’re an asshole. Stretch marks are caused when your skin stretches or grows rapidly and the protein that makes…

Week 30 of Pregnancy

Week 30! Hell yeah! Look at you go and look at that baby grow. Thanks to your little wonder, which is about a three-pound…

Week 31 of Pregnancy

If it hasn’t happened already, this is about the time people start saying things like, “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” To this, you…

Week 32 of Pregnancy

Hey, how are your legs? Restless leg syndrome is not dangerous or a sign that anything is wrong but it can be uncomfortable and…

Week 33 of Pregnancy

Your baby is pretty close to being finished growing lengthwise, but it will do some serious beefing up over the next seven weeks. Many…

Week 34 of Pregnancy

Wow your baby is about five pounds now so if you wanted to get an idea of what it would be like to have…

Week 35 of Pregnancy

Okay, throughout this whole pregnancy you’ve probably been thinking about how you’re going to raise your child (at least I hope you have). Well,…

Week 36 of Pregnancy

“Have you set up the nursery?” That is all anyone asked me for the last few weeks of my pregnancy along with “Haven’t you…

Week 37 of Pregnancy

Can I get a woot woot for full term? Aw, hell yeah! You’re good to go anytime now, sugar bum. Well, that’s sort of…

Week 38 of Pregnancy

I love how some sites are still comparing your baby to fruits and vegetables at this point. If they want to show you what…

Week 39 of Pregnancy

Are you at the point where people are picking up the phone saying “Is the baby coming?!” when you call? It’s right around this…

Week 40 of Pregnancy

Run to the top of the steps and do your victory dance, Rocky! You made it! No? Too winded and feeling like you’re pinned…

Week 41 of Pregnancy

All these updates are getting tricky for me because I have no way of knowing if you’re still pregnant or holding a baby. If…

Week 42 of Pregnancy

  Hey Bud, 42 weeks. Here we are. If you’re still pregnant you’ve probably had the induction chat. Generally speaking, 42 weeks is the…