The Coffee Cuff


My friend was wearing a really nice bracelet and I commented on it. She said “thanks it’s actually a coffee cuff too” then slipped it off her wrist and popped her grandé non-fat latté into it. I was sold. I LOVE shit that does double duty – I think it harkens back to my love of the Wonder Twins – Wonder Twin Powers activate! Shape of a gorilla! Form of a coffee cuff!

I immediately decided to copy her and get my very own cuff from Contexture Design. Shortly after ordering, I received an email from a guy named Trevor confirming my address and telling me that my handcrafted coffee cuff would be ready in a few days. I wrote back and told him to make mine extra nice. He responded with “Roger that.” Clearly Trevor rocks.

Well, I got my cuff in the mail (does that sound porny to you too, or is it just me?) and this thing is awesome. I immediately wore it to the grocery store despite being in my disgusting gym clothes because I was so excited to have something so nice and blatantly hip. I know the cashier was thinking “that sweaty pig has the most awesome bracelet/cuff on.” I could tell.

Anyway, I decided that everyone in the free world needed to know about this fantastic invention and, of course, immediately thought of my fantastic Pregnant Chicken crew. I worried that it had little to do with pregnancy but then I thought “What, pregnant women can’t have anything nice unless it has to do with a baby?” Besides, after I had my baby, the highlight of my day was shuffling up to get a coffee and it would have been nice to be wearing something cool to distract from my pyjama pants and crack whore ponytail.

Now, they ain’t cheap ($68) but they are handmade from reclaimed architectural veneer offcuts so you’re getting a one of a kind piece AND you can tell the greenies to suck it cuz it’s all sustainable design. Not to mention, these guys are in Vancouver and everybody knows all nice stuff comes from Germany, California and Vancouver – it’s fact – I don’t make the rules.

I think this calls for a hot chocolate from Starbucks but how ever will I carry such a hot beverage? Wait a minute……..cCCufff! (yep, it does sound porny).

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  • I was really hoping this was a sort of natural-coffee-IV drip-essential oil thing that you wear and gives you caffeine the entire time it’s on your wrist. (Maybe that was just my 8 months pregnant with a toddler brain trying to think.) But a bracelet that doubles as a coffee muff is cool, too.

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