Pregnancy Calendar – Week 14


Second trimester! Can I get a woot woot?

Have these been the longest weeks of your life, or what? By the time you have this kid people will say “My that was fast!” and you’re gong to wonder what parallel universe they’ve been living in. Personally, I found all those weeks to be the longest of my life. Now I’m impatient and I worry which is never a good pregnancy combo because pregnancy is slow and it gives you a lot of time to read about scary shit and hear horror stories from oblivious idiots (my band name if I ever start one).

If my calculations are correct, you’ve made 8,000 googled inquiries because you’ve, panicked that you’ve eaten something you weren’t supposed to, freaked out because your body did something weird, and/or had someone tell you that you should be doing something that you haven’t been doing so you’re scared that your baby is going to have gills.

Sites like to lay folic acid guilt and listeria panic on you, but I’m going to tell you this: shit happens, but most of the things you do or don’t during a pregnancy are screw turners and not game changers. Now, wait, wait, don’t write me angry letters or take up heroin, all I’m saying is that if you go about your business and lead a healthy, reasonable life then there’s no reason you won’t have a perfectly healthy baby.

Does eating increase the chance of harming your baby? Yep. Does starving increase the risk of harming your baby? You bet. By simply living you’re already taking risks every day so keep that in mind when you feel overwhelmed by the dangers and the risks.

As for that little weeble causing all the anxiety, he or she is a looking more and more like a little person every day with facial expressions and working plumbing. Your baby is about the size of a lemon but that’s lame so I’m going to say a cupcake. Your baby is the size of a delicious cupcake with sprinkles on top.

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