10 Things to Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

1. “You look so big/small.”

Remember when you were a teenager and you didn’t want to be unique in any way? Well pregnancy is the same and nobody wants to be told they look huge or teeny because it just scares them. Anything different from other pregnant women = weird = giant freak baby or creepy peanut baby.


2. “Haven’t you had that baby yet?”

If that woman’s pregnancy seems long to you I can almost guarantee that it feels like about 30 years to her. Pregnant women who are asked this question should be legally exempt from murder convictions. (You can also send them to haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com)



3. “You look tired, you must be having a girl because they steal your beauty.”

Someone actually said this to my friend. So really what you’re saying is “you look like shit”. Thanks. I think the response to this should be “And you must be upside down because all I see is an asshole talking”. (I just made that up.)


4. “So do your nipples look weird? Mine went all crazy.”

Pardon? Unless this pregnant woman is someone that would tell you about her anal leakage or an odd growth on her armpit, then don’t ask this kind of stuff and don’t share this kind of crap with anybody. Ever.


5. “Sleep now because you won’t get any when the baby gets here.”

What the hell does this mean anyway? It’s not like you can bank sleep. It’s like saying “Don’t eat this year because an all-you-can-eat-buffet is opening up next March”. Plus, who says that the woman you’re saying this to is sleeping now? She may be a congested ball of heartburn, hemorrhoids, and back pain so this kind of thing just adds insult to injury.

6.”I hate that name.”

Really? Oh okay, then they won’t name it that. Nobody cares that a girl named Angela took your oatmeal raisin cookie in grade two so don’t lift up the tarp covering your mental baggage. On a similar note, if they want to name their kid Adolph or Kleenex just nod and say “nice” – that will be the least of that kid’s problems anyway.


7. “Were you hoping for a girl/boy instead?”

It’s not really anyone’s business and if she ain’t sharin’, don’t ask. If you’re asked this you should answer that you were actually hoping for a puppy that could fart rainbows then just walk away.


8. “Was this an accident?”

A woman’s reply to this should always be “suck my dick.” It’s a nice, clean, confusing retort for someone that is rude enough to ask this kind of question.


9. “Did you use fertility drugs?”

I don’t want to get all misty here but all babies are miracles and by asking a question like that you’re somehow implying that babies that were conceived with ‘help’ are different from babies that weren’t. Not cool, so don’t ask.


10. “Should you be eating that?”

This whole website is about people embellishing myths and half-truths to scare the crap out of pregnant ladies. So unless she’s about to accidentally snack on dog shit, don’t say anything and let the poor girl eat.


Finally, there are three things you always say to pregnant women:


1. “You look fantastic”

Even if she is a sweaty, wheezing Jabba the Hut with swollen ankles and a maternity top that no longer covers her belly, tell her she looks fantastic. She is making a person and that’s pretty fantastic.


2. “That’s wonderful”

If she tells you she’s going to give birth squatting in a Mr. Turtle pool surrounded by chanting Tibetan squirrels, you say “that sounds wonderful”. Every pregnant woman makes about 200 declarations of what she is and isn’t going to do and about 4 stick. Don’t ruin her moments.


3. “It’s going to be alright”

When she starts crying because the pizza shows up wrong or she panics because she used regular detergent to wash the baby’s onsies so she’ll be a horrible mother or simply because she threw a reciprocating saw at your head because “you’re too much of a moron to understand what she’s going through”. This is when it’s a good idea to pull out “it’s going to be alright”. A side car of “you look fantastic” couldn’t hurt either.

Good luck.

Related: Other Things Not To Say To A New Mom

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  • When I was expecting my first, people said, “Ha! You think you’re tired now!” (And some grown-ass adults on the street just said, “Ha! She’s tired!). This time, people ask the sex, then upon being told it’s a girl, turn to my son and say how awful it is that he’s getting a sister because they’re just awful.

  • Another thing I love to say to pregnant women as a means of encouragement: they’ll start stressing about how much they wanted to get done, but couldn’t accomplish. I promptly tell them how much they ARE doing by making a child. Anything else they accomplish that day is a bonus. Without fail, every time I’ve said that the mom (or mom to be) tells me how much she needed to hear that. Just do you, momma. <3

  • I would love to see, “you look like you’re about to pop” added to this list. Everything is wrong with this turn of phrase. 1. It’s a terrifying visual, that at times actually feels like it could happen. 2. It can in know way be misconstrued as a compliment.

  • I could NOT agree more with every one of these! I am 34 weeks and 4 days, and I didn’t show much until a few weeks ago, because my baby is positioned more toward my back. So, you can imagine all of the annoying people who constantly said, ” You don’t LOOK pregnant! You’re SO small!” And I really just wanted to stare at them with a look of annoyance for several seconds. Why is it that seeing someone who is pregnant suddenly warrants EVERYONE to comment on their size?

  • hahahha, I’ve heard so many times “you are carrying a boy, you look beautiful, it can’t be a girl”. And yes, I’m carrying a girl lady’s and gens. Thanks to Mother Nature and Science that we can put on a bit of makeup (let it be tons of makeup…) so no-one has to see how many filled pimples have become part of your face. I know that people just want to help or give advice or be nice but, OMG, sometimes I’d love to say “shut up your mouth, please!”.

    Well, about the name and the dislike of people of the one you have chosen for your baby, it’s not the first time I have to hear it from my mother and sisters in law. Had someone asked you if you liked it or not? And then they say “are you sure you will name her Sophia? Can’t it be another name we like better?”. Next time they say it, I will not be able to control myself, I’m sure…

  • Love this post. I am on baby #5 (last one….or I am leaving the husband) and have probably heard the worst crap this round. I am use to the whole “Wow, you are due any day now?” Which I have had to follow-up with “Yes, any day two months from now.” – with a sarcastic smile. But the one I may go to jail for is, “You sure there’s just 1?” Hmm. All the medically and technically trained staff all missed that, but somehow you outsmarted us all. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Same day, I had a parishioner act out my delivery as an airplane landing. Wasn’t sure about how to react. Just tried to stop making eye contact (and become deaf).

  • 28 weeks and laughed so hard at this that I started coughing and maybe lost a little control of my bladder. I am SO SICK of being told how big I look, people’s opinions on names, etc and this was JUST what I needed to help me feel like I’m not alone.
    My MIL keeps getting upset that we haven’t finalised a name because she’s dying to get something personalised. We said that even if we had picked something, we weren’t telling anyone because we don’t feel like hearing their comments, judgement, etc. She then went on to criticise a name that my SIL ended up not choosing and we were like "what if that had been our name! THIS is why you don’t get to know!" I love that I get a sweet baby at the end of all of this, but genuinely hate that pregnant ladies become public domain and everyone feels the need to voice their thoughts on basically everything. #HowRude

  • Amen to Number 1 on the don’t. I would be perfectly happy to never have another person comment on my appearance again, unless it’s to alert me to some sort of injury requiring medical attention.

  • I had a miscarriage last August and am now expecting again. Pregnant ladies suffer from lots of comments when you are a young pastor’s wife to boot, you get EVERYONE lol. Most of it is just harmless, curiosity and mothering. The worst was a lady who asked if I was resting enough because "you need to be careful to not overdo it so it doesn’t happen again." I just stood there shell shocked. And one of the other ladies jumped in and kind of corrected her. I know it was coming from concern, but geez, way to tell me you think it was my fault.

    • Some people really don’t think before they speak! My friend miscarried; it was relatively early in the pregnancy, but she was really excited and had told some of her colleagues already (she’s a nurse). One of the older nurses actually told her "well, you DO ride your bike to work a lot". WTF?! Not only is that totally inappropriate, but as a nurse she should know it’s also completely incorrect! So crass.

  • I am expecting my second and people still spout off rude and unnecessary comments to me. I hear, "Just wait until your other one gets here; you are going to have your hands full."
    "I would NEVER want to bring another child into this world."
    "Can you hold this baby in a few more days after the due date so you could have it on so-and-so’s birthday?"
    "Another one? Really?!"


    I remember my husband said this to me when I was pregnant with my first (my son):

    "You need to get your hormones under control."

    He said this to me after irritating me, purposefully, for several hours when I finally lost it. Needless to say, he never repeated it, and I have not heard it yet with this one.

    He did, however, say, "You look as though you are about ready to pop." I didn’t think I was that big since I have only gained about 10-11 pounds and I am 26 weeks along.

    I replied, "Geez, thanks. I didn’t think I was that big!"

    Men. Ugh!

  • Sitting here 8 mos and freaking out because everyone keeps telling me I’m too small to be in my third trimester. – Not to mention I have been pregnant for over a year now (had a miscarriage and then got pregnant within a month… which no one told me was possible) This led to #8.

    Can I just cry, eat, and have sex for the next month without having to see anyone besides my DH…. honestly

  • I love this, except I slightly disagree with number 1. I would never be upset at someone telling me I looked small!

    • I love being told I don’t look pregnant or am small. I am so self conscious and feel so big, so hearing I look small makes me feel so good. But, I can understand how other woman would hate it and take it the wrong way too.

  • 7 months pregnant and the other day after me getting annoyed about something my partner asked me ‘whats your problem’. Needless to say he got ‘You’re my problem’ screamed promptly back into his face with some offensive language in the middle. He’ll know better than to ask a pregnant lady that again

  • Someone needs to make a maternity t-shirt with this list on it. One of the worse comments I’ve gotten while pregnant was, "You’re a week past your due date?! That’s my WORST nightmare." And that was from another pregnant woman. face palm

  • "You look so tiny! Why aren’t you eating?" Well, you know, I thought I’d try to starve the child into submission just so it knows who’s boss from day -60. terrible mom swallows 1000th cookie of the week

  • I tried to avoid people’s opinions on baby names by telling people we would name the baby Benito (as in Mussolini) since we weren’t that crazy about Adolf. They would look at me oddly, then say it out loud along with our last name, which rhymes with Benito, and they’d just move on, shaking their heads!

  • Thank you for this (and especially the week 17 email update I received this morning which was very very very relevant to me this week!). Yesterday at work a male colleague said the following 3 things to me in a row: 1) That I looked "green" and asked if I was going to barf and then 2) Asked how long this "pregnancy thing" is going to last because he feels bad for me and 3) Said my face looked kind of puffy and that he’s only telling me because he knows I’m pregnant otherwise he would have kept that to himself. What a gentleman! Thank you for kicking me in the nads.

  • "If you’re asked this you should answer that you were actually hoping for a puppy that could fart rainbows then just walk away"

    I snorted, then laughed, snorted again then almost stopped breathing when I read this…priceless

  • This list is perfect. Everything you write on this website is the best way to tell people what I am thinking.
    My mother-in-law said to me when I was about 4 months along, "It’s so funny walking behind you now. You’re just spilling out on both sides!"
    I’ve also heard, "I didn’t have to wear maternity clothes until I was 6 months pregnant!"
    What is wrong with people???

  • This post just made me feel so much better. This week a work colleague said to me, "Your skin is really pimply so I think that means your having a boy."

  • Great. Post. and just what I needed at 32 weeks (first child-a boy). Basically because I’m in the Army my OB (female) has constantly warned me about too much weight gain esp. since I will have to lose whatever I gain within 180 days after delivery. While my diet has not changed at all (in fact I’ve been excessively counting the carbs and calories in my diet since week 22) AND I exercise 4-5x a week (but at a decreased intensity since the end of the second trimester when my left hip couldn’t take running anymore), I still gained 15 pounds really roughly when I stopped exercising the same. At my last appointment, one of the first things she said was ‘wow/seriously, I can’t believe you’ve gained this much since your last visit.’ Thank you so much for point out how little control I have over my body at this point/not like I wasn’t aware before. FU. Now I’m refusing to get weighed at all until well after the delivery (I will keep track myself at home only) and I requested the only other OB (male) at the hospital since my options in the Army medical system are limited and hope like heck she is not on call the day I deliver.

  • Seriously, if one more person tells me I look small and then tells me I should be happy because that’s a compliment, I am going to scream! I am 19 weeks and last I checked, a lot of women only have a small bump at this point. However, I am anxious by nature! Even though have had ultrasounds and I can feel the baby moving around in there, every time someone says that I have a flash of worry that the baby stopped growing or something is wrong, plus I carried bigger with my daughter, so It’s been on my mind anyway. You would not comment on my size if I was not pregnant (well most people lol) so don’t do it now!

  • Great post!! I think you should also write a post about what not to say to moms (unless you already have). I had a cashier in Walmart tell me she "felt sorry for me" when I was with my 2 yr old and 4 month old twins-all boys. (My 4 year old daughter was at preschool at the time). I said nothing but my husband said that I should have told her I felt sorry for her bc she worked at Walmart 😉

  • A man at work asked me if I was a "big eater" because I was getting so big. He followed it up with "seriously, how many times a day do you eat?"

  • If I knew the person well enough, I may ask #9 ONLY because, as someone having a ridiculously hard time conceiving, it gives someone like me hope. However, I have not been blessed yet with a baby, so this may change whenever my day comes.

    • I think that’s a totally fair question to ask someone you know. It’s when someone asks you in a grocery line (happened to me and it was an old man) where you wonder "who the hell are you and what difference would that make?"

  • This is so great! Number 5 always made me so mad, I had so much trouble sleeping in my pregnancies, the "enjoy sleeping before the baby comes" comments were not encouraging. Also, "You don’t even look like you are pregnant", is that supposed to be a complement? Or an accusation that I’m not properly nourishing my baby? Thanks for posting this, I laughed so hard while I was reading it : )

  • Oh my goodness. Number 5… I’m 24 weeks, suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, have heartburn, terrible exhaustion, a hip that dislocates twice a month and am trying to finish up a degree (which right now means finals) all of that adds up to insomnia and exhaustion. Even when I get sleep I still don’t feel rested. Every one tells me to sleep now while I can. I want to face punch them. Especially my mom, who is the worst. I can call her crying from exhaustion and puking my brains out and she’ll condescendingly tell me it would all be better if I just slept now because it’s only going to get worse when the baby is here. Why can’t she just say something like "that’s awful. I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time." or "Of course this baby is going to be the reincarnation of buddha/second coming of Christ. Now why don’t you wake up your boyfriend and force him to hold your hair back some more"

  • One I got was as I was getting blood tests for Gestational Diabetes: "perhaps you should have lost some weight before you got pregnant." Ouch

  • Your blog should be required reading for all pregnant women and anyone that ever plans on speaking to a pregnant woman! The only insult you forgot was "When is your baby due?" … A month AFTER you delivered the baby. I've never been so f'ing depressed as that moment. I wanted to punch him right in his smiling mouth.

  • I've been on your hilarious site for hours reading post after post (after post) – I'm hooked!
    I'm a first-timer about to hit month 7, and I'm so glad to know that there's a whole community of crabby women who hate being pregnant just as much as I do.
    Don't get me wrong, the whole getting a baby thing is great, but at times pregnancy really bites the big one.
    For MONTHS now my MIL has been suggesting alternative baby names because she hates the 2 names the hubs and I love. And, can I say, her suggestions make me want to vomit. Oh, and the first time she said she hated our names was on Mother's Day…after she gifted me stretch mark cream. Thanks, mom.
    I constantly get the, "Oh, you're so little," comments from strangers when they ask how far along I am. Love that back-handed compliment, eh?
    By far the WORST comment has actually come from my best friend. Quite a few times now, I've gotten the, "Oh, you don't seem very excited," with a sympathetic head tilt. Excited? Sure, I'm totally excited to embark on what could quite possibly be the scariest venture of my life even though you never miss an opportunity to show me that you know sooo much more about babies/children than I do, when you don't even have one.
    Lord have mercy, pregnant women should get a gold freakin' medal every time they resist the urge to slap stupid people.

  • Great post. If only I had a penny for everytime someone said to met one of those…
    I got one that is not on the list and I was shocked back then. During a party a girl asked me "so what do you have in this belly?" my first reaction was "a goat" I mean what else can there be in a pregnant belly than a baby? After that I said it was a boy. She did not see my "sarcasm singn" and she kept asking some other things and then all of a sudden asked "Can you feel his butt?"

  • Got a new one for you…..I've read all the suggested responses to stupid pregnancy comments on Pregnant Chicken and Rants from Mommyland. I'm perpetually annoyed by invasive 'seemingly harmless' questions from complete strangers, and have tried to memorize all the sarcastic comebacks I can (or preemptively deflect them with my 'don't bother me' scowl). But I didn't have a response ready in the aresnal for this one:
    I was just down in the cafeteria of the hospital where I work to get a drink, and while in the checkout line, the cashier asked me how far along I was. After I (reluctantly) told her, she said (loudly) 'You're only 21 weeks? Dang!, You're going to be BIG. You better baby powder it on up cuz in this heat something's going to get stuck up under there and start growing!'
    I'm sorry, what? I had no words for that.

  • I'm 11 weeks with my first baby and have been awfully sick. I have already ended up in hospital once on the drip. My pet hate at the moment is everyone telling me to eat crackers and lemonade in bed before I get up. If it worked – clearly – I would be doing it. Besides, do you forget you told me the same thing yesterday and the day before? And the last 23 days since I started vomiting 7 times a day? Because I remember!

    I wake up at 4am and feel like I am rolling on a boat, the mere taste of my own sleep mouth makes me heave – so no, I won't be swallowing that taste with some crackers and lemonade, thanks.

    Love the site – I always thought I would be ecstatic to be pregnant, but first trimester is not proving this! Your blogs give me the pick-me-up I need and reminder that I am not the only one who feels like shit lol xx

  • Your site cracks me up even though I haven't been pregnant in 2.5 years! When I was pregnant with my first daughter I actually had a random stranger confront me in the bathroom and ask if we were going to find out the sex of the baby. I replied yes and then she proceeded to beg me, literally, not find find out. WTH? Why do people feel the need to put in their two cents?

    Now that we have two girls and don't plan on having anymore children, I'm constantly asked if we are going to try for a boy. NO! We love our two girls! If I'm going to have another it's because I want another baby, not because my husband is sad he doesn't have a son. It freaking pisses me off and I think it's so rude!

  • Oh, thank you. After finding your site, I no longer feel like the lone, snarky, profane, pregnant woman! (Hi, my name is Kate and I'm a first-timer, 5 months.) I really can't believe the things people say – at this point, I am so sick of hearing anything that starts with "When that baby comes…" I don't look all that big, which I hear about often, but thankfully, the most offensive thing that's been said was when a family friend told me, "You're just not excited enough. Don't worry, as time goes on, you'll cheer up." …whuck?

    "You are a really cute pregnant lady," is the best yet. (My husband. He means well.)

    I am now adding you to my RSS feed to stalk you! Keep 'em coming!

  • I remember being told several of those and hated every single time. I swear people can be so thoughtless. Think before speaking people. Think before speaking.

  • So as I sit here in my bitter and crabby 40th week doing all kinds of crazy things to get this little buddy out I can't handle one more person saying, "Oh my first was late by …." I've reached my breaking point. Combine the I was late by 10 plus days and he/she weighed 9 + pounds and I will punch them in the throat. I'll simply plead insanity, who would blame me?

  • At 41yrs old I think people just assume that my husband and I used fertility drugs in one last attempt to get pregnant. This pregnancy was a complete surprise and miracle in itself. So I finally decided to tell people the truth when they ask if we had help conceiving- "Yes we did. A membership to Porn Hub was all it took!" That has certainly shut most of them up.

  • I'm pregnant with my first baby and I'm finally at the end of my first trimester, so my morning sickness is finally starting to subside. (and by morning sickness I mean all day puking and nausea).
    Most people have been very sweet to me so far, but I did have to put my fil in his place one day.
    My hubby and I went to his parents house for a little get together. I was sitting on the couch with a woman with a 2 month old and another one with 1 year old twins.
    He walked up to me and started MOCKING ME!

    FIL:"ooohhh poor thing, did you finally get outta bed?"
    ME:"I've been up since 5am"
    FIL:"OH! I don't feel good! I can't eat I can't sleep; my tummy hurts! (etc)"
    ME: "How bout I punch you in the dick to show you just how bad I feel?"

    he told me to calm down and the other 2 moms jumped down his throat until he finally retreated to the kitchen to lick his wounds. my hubby high fived me later.

  • ohhhh dear! at 32 week and counting, this post has me in the hysterical laughter turned to weeping puddle of mental pregnancy hormones.
    the best response i got was (when trying on nursing bras) oh, what, you still have eight weeks to go, come back dear! did that mean a) omg it looks like that baby is gonna bust out of your gut any second and start dancing on the table like an alien parody movie, or b) hunny, wait until your milk comes in (and hopefully we can find a bra in your size that won't have to be custom made by tiny leprechauns in a magic workshop) ie i'm already sitting at a 32 I/J in nursing bra land.
    i don't know if either thought is a good thing! just eight weeks to go….eight more weeks….hot damn.

  • Good God, Kel. That sounds horrible! She needs a giant, pregnant woman backhand (although, I suppose that wouldn't do your job much good).
    Maybe you could keep pretending not to understand her and just explain that "that must mean something different here because, where I'm from, we'd take your tiny feet and eat them with ketchup if you said something like that."
    On the upside, my friend who is Korean was saying they celebrate the 90th day of a child's life which I think is brilliant because it's just about the time you start to feel sane again (well, sane is a strong word).
    You get a big, fat, pasty person hug from me. Good luck!

  • My boss is an old, unmarried Thai woman with no kids and says the most inappropriate things to me all the time!

    First of all it's hard being a foreign woman in Thailand anyway because the women are teeny tiny! And Thai people don't think it's rude to point out the obvious that a person is larger than another. Try being pregnant here!!
    My boss asked me my weight the other day! Then almost daily, she says how I'll definitely have problems with the birth because I'm so big! What the hell!

    Now, I had to tell her that I'm having a c section because baby is still in breech and she said that it's because I'm so big. What the hell does she know??
    By the way, I'm not that big, maybe just a few pounds overweight before pregnancy!

    Then the next insult she threw at me: She asked if I was having a boy or girl and I told her a girl. She asked if I was sure it was a girl because a Thai old wives tale is that pregnant women look beautiful when they're having a girl and ugly when they're having a boy! WHAT A HORRIBLE WOMAN!

    So, I've had a bit of a tough time trying to stay positive at my job with a boss who insults me and has no problem making me work overtime (my whole pregnancy, and I'm working until the day before D day!) AND living very very very far away over the ocean from my family and friends!

    Virtual hug anyone?

  • I had a guy at work who would repeatedly comment on how I must be having twins. I'd ask him to stop saying that and he'd reply (GET THIS) "Oh, I bet you're scared!" hyuck hyuck. I could have lept over my desk and punched him in his big gut.

    Best response to "wow, you're pretty big" is "wow, you're pretty ugly". And suck my dick.

  • @Janna (1st commenter) I'm not pregnant (friends are) and my bf's mother CONSTANTLY pisses me off…. I hate to see what'll happen if I do get pregnant!!!!!

  • When i was pregnant with my first, this woman at work felt it was perfectly fine to rub my stomach everytime she walked past me. At first I let it go but after about a month I started avoiding her altogether. Finally when I was 8 months and 65 pound down the road, she went for my stomach and to my own surprise, I said, "I don't rub your butt just because it's big, please don't rub my stomach!"
    I think I made her cry but then I went on maternity leave and quit my job so, whatever. It drives me crazy that people think it's okay to touch me and ask me personal questions just because I'm prgnant.

  • Awww, I did get teary with that LF. I wish someone would say that to me in my 26th week of bloated, heavy breathing cankled glory! And I'm def using the puppy shitting rainbows comment. We have chosen to wait until babe gets here to know what it is, and I find it hilarious how appalling that is to some people!!

  • I just received the best stranger "your pregnant comment" EVAH! I could see this guy eyeballing me in the elevator despite my best efforts to focus on the numbers. Right before he got off the elevator. He paused, looked at me, & said, "I bet you will have a beautiful baby."

  • Oh my god, these are so funny… the one about a girl "stealing your beauty," though… that's awful! I'd just ask them how many girls they had (or if I knew, remark about how it made sense in their case/I was surprised they hadn't had many girls). Funny stuff you've got here!!!

  • I worked at a high-end shoe store all through my pregnancy (and for 2 1/2 years after), so I was always dealing with the typical pleasantries. Most of my customers stuck with the when-was-I-due stuff, but I had one elderly lady, when I was close to full term, ask if I was having a boy or a girl (normally didn't mind this one). I replied a boy, and she pursed her lips and said, "I don't like that…when people find out what they're having." I just smiled (a very small, polite one), but of course I had two unspoken responses: "Well, it's a good thing that wasn't available in your day" and of course "THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK?!" Oh, and I hated hated hated someone thinking they were being cute by calling me "mama", and one guy drawled out "And how are you, mother-to-be…?" like he was hoping to molest me or something. And I couldn't help but get a kick out of people being so concerned that I would carry two boxes of shoes at a time, or get down on the floor to help someone put on shoes (something I did refrain from in the very last month), yet I'm sure those same people would have thought nothing if I were hauling around a toddler or getting down on the floor to play with one.

  • Awesome list!! Love it!

    Im only 11 weeks but my mother in law is already pissing me off because shes insisting my baby is a boy, she even does online gender tests and says they all say boy!! Shes even describing what the boy will look like!! Im just happy to be pregnant, but Im 11 weeks, my MIL needs to STFU!

    • Yeah, MILs usually do need to STFU. When mine isn’t telling me how small I am, she’s pointing out that the baby still hasn’t dropped, both of which clearly mean I’m going to go waaay overdue. Considering my midwife is considering induction on my due date because of pregnancy induced hypertension, this isn’t the most supportive topic of discussion. And don’t get me started on her breastfeeding/nipple prep advice. I do not need to picture my MIL scrubbing at her nipples in the shower! My midwife, doula, and La Leche League all tell me nipple prep is unnecessary, so I’m going with the professionals on this one, not someone who last gave birth 35 years ago.

  • Actually, you're right, I should have reworded that one.

    I was never offended the first time around when people asked me if I was hoping for one or the other before I knew what I was having but it really bugged me when I said I was having a boy then they'd follow up with "are you disappointed it's not a girl?". What? Why?

    It was even worse the second time around when people kept saying "you must be hoping for a girl this time." because I already had a son. No, I'm hoping for a healthy baby and I think it's kind of mean to go around saying you're disappointed in the gender of your child before the poor bugger even gets here. (For the record, I love having two boys.)

    Now I'm all obsessed with trying to fix that sentence. Curses!
    ; )

  • I'm not offended when people ask me if I'm hoping for a boy or girl. I don't get what would bother me about that. I agree with the rest of those, though.

    I think they need to add, "Don't discredit pregnancy symptoms" Too many people are like "you can't be that tired." I want to punch them and say "Yes, I can!"

  • One thing I've heard repeatedly that really bugs me is "That's gone so quick!". As in, "You're twenty weeks? That's gone so quick!". No, no it hasn't. When you've suffered through morning sickness, heart burn, lack of sleep, and a bout of flu without the benefit of the good drugs, it's felt like an eternity already, and knowing that there's another twenty or so weeks to go doesn't make me feel any more benevolent towards the next person who makes the same comment.

  • "And you must be upside down because all I see is an asshole talking"
    Oh, I have got to remember this one! It is applicable in so many situations!

  • I had a stranger ask me the usual gamut of "when are you due?", etc. The general questions of a mildly interested random stranger who is fascinated with the freak show of a pregnant woman. Then he followed up "do you know what you are you having?" (no) with "did you try for a certain gender?". Umm, is this random stranger really asking me about my sexual practices in Harvey's? Amazing.
    The guy at starbucks also tried to refuse me a caffienated latte. He got an earful and then I asked him for hip OHIP billing number. Pregnancy makes you public domain. Awesome.

  • I just sent my wife a text telling her that She looks fantastic, her pregnancy is wonderful, and everything is going to be alright.

    Thank you for the advice 🙂

  • I am about 36 weeks pregnant and this just made me laugh out loud. I'm at work. In an office. I had to cover it with a cough. I think I've heard about 9/10 comments on your list. I'm having a girl. Although I looked like shit in the beginning, I think I look pretty good now. When people say, girls steal your beauty I begin to wonder.

  • I am 8 months pregnant with my first (oh please, god, let this hell end soon) and last weekend, a complete stranger said to me, "Wow, you're wider than you are tall, but I bet you hear that all the time!" Oh HAHAHAHA you clever woman–actually no one has said that to me, can you believe that? I guess most people don't want to be kicked in the throat by my distended foot–go figure!

  • LO effing L! I just burst out in giggles in my office after reading these, got some pretty weird looks :). You're awesome Pregnant Chicken!

  • The thing that sucks about this article is that none of those jerks who say these things will ever read this article!! Some one should print this out in BIG letters and post it on telephone poles and stop signs!

  • This is the best! I have 4 sons–the oldest 2 are twins, and when I was pregnant with them, I actually had a man I had never seen before approach me in a grocery store and loudly exclaim, "You're pretty BIG!" The only time someone said something that would've been construed as obnoxious that wasn't (coming from the person it came from) was, "Please have that baby now. It's paining all of us to watch you continue to be pregnant." This was stated by the Army ROTC director-neighbor, at 40 weeks on my last child. I could not have agreed with him more :).

  • I just peed my pants reading this post. I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant, so I pee my pants quite often but that should in no way detract from the compliment to your humor this particular pee is paying.

  • i read through this last night…brought me lots of laughing out loud, and tears in my eyes! the hubby said he hadn’t heard me laugh that hard in a long time…great website you have going here! thanks for the laughs as i slide into the third trimester…i need it!

  • Gah, I think I love you. I just found your post for dads. I believe its your newest. I found it on Babycenter. Someone posted a link to you site. I have read several of them. I just love them. And, I hate when people ask you dumb questions. And give you dumb advice! Especially hate the TMI that people give about their experience. I will be coming back often to read!

  • HA! I wasn’t sure if people would know what a fish pail was.

    I saw a guy with his giant, white stomach hanging out of his shirt and my friend say "he’s got a good look going on there with his fish pail hanging out". I thought it was hysterical even though I’m not sure if it even makes sense. What do they put fish in anyway?

    For the record, I had to look up fopa. I will now be using it in daily conversation.

  • When I was pregnant with my first, my fil used to ask random people when we would be out if they thought I was having twins. I wanted to smack him! My baby was almost 9 lbs and 22 and a half inches long, big baby, not twins!!!

  • Oh, my bump! It’s thumping into things from laughing so hard…
    Goodness, I should just print this out and give it to anyone who even looks at me wonky-eyed.
    I swear I am going to start carrying a brick around because if I have to hear one more pregnancy horror story, I’m going to bludgeon myself.

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