Anyone who has ever been pregnant, or met/knows a pregnant woman, (as in, everyone) knows that the difficulties of motherhood begin at t-minus 9 months. Yes, the joys of motherhood also begin there, but that’s not what this post is about. From the moment of conception, that kiddo is going to have you writhing in mental, physical, and occasionally spiritual pain.
You are the only one who can ensure your mental stability as your life goes through the most monumental upheaval you will ever experience (or so they say). So what can you do to prepare?
Just like any good motivational speaker, adopt a powerful motherhood mantra.
A pretty little diddy to get you through that combines reality with humor and a positive outlook that you will survive. And ladies, let’s be honest with ourselves too – if you are reading this, your motherhood experience is going to be more cushioned and luxurious than 99%+ of all mothers in the past, and many mothers today who live in developing countries. Let’s check out this motto–theory in action. I didn’t elaborate on the following situations, because if you’ve been there and done that, you know.
What got me through labor?
A cavewoman did this and lived – unmedicated, in the dark, in a cave. Or at least enough of them lived to be able to feed their babies and perpetuate human kind. Not kidding, this is actually something I told myself in labor.
What got me through the first weeks of breastfeeding?
A cavewoman did this and lived – and her child didn’t starve. See previous disclaimer.
What gets me through repeated trips to the nursery at 2am to change diapers and nurse my baby to sleep?
A cavewoman did this and lived – in the dark, no dimmer lights or diaper wipes, in the middle of winter. Although the cleanliness of the whole cave-diaper situation is questionable – did they even use diapers? Or maybe they started sleep-training at birth?
What will get me through toddler tantrums?
A cavewoman did this and lived – and didn’t push all of her children off of a cliff. She fed some to the saber-toothed tigers.
What will get me through teenage hormone swings?
A cavewoman kicked her moody kid out and said, “Feed and clothe yourself, you ungrateful miscreant! Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
Ok sorry guys, the cavewoman motherhood mantra only works until teenage hormones enter the picture.
But for every joint that ceases to function during pregnancy, and every nursing bra that your baby fills with spit up, and every couch that your kid writes on with sharpies, and every hair you lose from your own hormone swings, and every lost night of sleep that makes coffee run thick in your veins, remember, and repeat after me: A cavewoman did this and lived.
So dammit, wipe up that pre-made, store-bought squash puree (that you didn’t have to forage for) from your walls, floors, ceilings, and face after every failed feeding and smile—because a cavewoman did this and lived.
Our next recos:
The End of Us and Other New Mom Fears
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