Cake Wrecks – Baby Shower Edition

I love Cake Wrecks and if you haven’t checked out the site, then get over there because it’s like lucite stripper shoes – sometimes tacky, sometimes scary and always awesome.

I asked Jen if I could pull a couple of the shower cakes for a post, you can imagine how thrilled I was when she said “go for it”.

Let me tell ya, I was not disappointed in the plethora of batshit cakes that people serve up at baby showers.

Here are just a few that are as tasty as electric-blue, store bought frosting:

“What? I thought it was spelled “Tschower”. Godammit. Hand me that rag, would ya?”

I love Babbies. The more ‘b’s the better. (Unless it’s actually ‘Baffies’. Now that would be stupid.)

“Just a sliver of giant tit for me, please. I’m trying to watch my weight.”

Nothing says “edible” quite like an abdomen gash with a hand sticking out.

This is actually a really beautiful cake until you realize you have to cut into a sleeping infant. No, that’s not disturbing or anything.

Again, we have to cut this cake, people. I don’t want to eat half of a baby’s face (judging from the photo, I’d eat the whole head but I wouldn’t be happy about it.)

Why do I feel like it was the 18-year-old brother’s job to get the cake?

It is important that we all know why we are gathered here today. Stick lady + cup of sperm = heart, baby, heart. All together now…

I’m really hoping this isn’t what Tristan looked like. If it was, then my bad and I tip my hat to your charming cake.

WTF is happening here? Why is a burnt ET sitting on top of a t.v.? Welcome to the world, Ethan. You’re surrounded by nuts.

Maybe the parents decided to name this child “Finally” regardless of gender because I can’t even figure out what they were going for here.

Oh, it’s a baby BABY shower. Crap, I need to get another card.

I have no idea what they find weird about this cake?! Maybe the woman they were having the shower for wasn’t named Olivia. Now *that* would be awkward.

Actually, this is exactly how Connie gave birth – surrounded by rosettes while her giant boob-balls rolled into her mouth.

Yes, congratulations on your headless baby, now let’s eat its feet.

Mmmmm, uterus.

What you can’t see is Uncle Bob’s interpretive dance that goes along with this cake. It’s all about learning through poetry and movement.

Is it worse to eat a beautiful baby cake or a creepy one? Creepy cake babies have rights too, you know.

This is possibly the best cake I have ever seen. If I had witnessed this cake in 1977, my head would have exploded or I would have done something like this. With the protection of Darth Vader in an acid tripping, air-brushed universe, that lucky little baby can’t lose. She just can’t lose.

This isn’t even a cake but I am horrified that someone has taken the two things I love most – meatloaf and bacon – and molded it into the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. Excuse me while I go bleach my eyes.

So there you have it. Now get out there and get your creepy “babby” cake holding a cup of sperm and some bacon. Happy showers, Peeps!

Oh but wait, there’s more. It gives me such joy to think you guys see a crazy ass baby shower cake and think of me. Here’s a couple you’ve sent that I think are just magic:

Golly that’s a lot of detail — “Grandma, can I interest you in a slice of taint?”

After I got over the initial shock of these cupcakes, I decided they were awesome like a cat playing piano. Gimme two!

Wow. Just wow. This cake is so entirely awesome that I can’t handle it. First I saw the head. Nice. Then I saw the strawberries. It really is an art to make strawberries disturbing. Then, and only then, did I happen to notice the sprinkles for the asshole.

This truly is a cake of many layers.

Our next recos:

Newborn Bad Lip Reading Video

27 Reasons Postpartum Life is Your Best Life

What Color Hair Will My Baby Have? Hair Color Predictor

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