new mom judgement

Dear Future Sister Wife

By Brianna Kastner

Dear Future Sister Wife,

I am thrilled you are coming to be a part of this family. I can’t wait for you to get settled in. Full disclosure, my husband and I may not be the best example of traditional Mormon faith, and what I mean by that is, we aren’t actually even a little bit Mormon. I totally respect it though, so feel free to rock those undergarments in this family.

One thing we should discuss right away is the topic of you being “intimate” with my husband. Listen, I would prefer this be taken off of the table, but if it is a big deal to you, I am completely willing to negotiate.

It just seems him moving his snore machine back and forth from your place to mine might get old. I am only thinking about him, of course.

Truth be told, motherhood is lonely as hell. What makes it worse is when it seems every other mom is doing it better. Those beautiful ladies who post pictures on facebook of crafts they created with their kids, or how #blessed they feel just to be a mom. While I feel the most #blessed when both of my kids are napping at the same time. Or when I walk across the livingroom barefoot and not have crumbs or pieces of cereal stuck to the bottom of my foot. How do I humblebrag about that to Facebook?

Having someone who really sees me and still says “you are enough, you are doing a good job, and here is some chocolate,” is all I dream of. Some days are hard, and I honestly feel like I am failing miserably.  When life knocks us down, what could possibly bring greater comfort than a mother?  Moms make everything better whether we are sick or we need someone to talk us out of locking our three-year-old in his bedroom for the afternoon (totally just an example of course).

Anyway, I am delighted we will now be going through this journey together. You will stand in solidarity with me when my toddler throws a tantrum and I have no idea what to do next. When all of the tools in my belt are used. You will see the mess I clean up five times a day comprised the exact same toys. You will celebrate the success of keeping the littlest one from standing on the kitchen table.

You will see me

And I will see you.

I hope this relationship is all that I have imagined.  Let me give you a bit of a glimpse into my daydream;

6:00 AM: Since you are such a morning person, you get up with the kids, get my husband, oh excuse me,  OUR husband’s lunch ready. He will really appreciate this because it isn’t something that he is used to.

8:00 AM: I will rise, and you and I will have coffee together while the kids play calmly at our feet.

8:30 AM: We go on a walk while we talk about current events, what we have been reading or The Real Housewives. It will go on like this for much of the day, we will alternate mothering OUR children while the other one takes naps or reads a book.This turn-taking will carry on for the remainder of the day until we make time to watch Ellen together on the couch.

When the Husband comes home from work we will rotate cooking between the three of us and then head off to bed, you in your home that is attached to mine, and me in my house. It will not be unlike dorms, adult style though, of course, because I am not trying to relive college, don’t misunderstand me.

We will have so much in common, but we won’t be exactly the same so our relationship stays interesting. It will be remarkable how many things we share in common including our political beliefs.  We will have inside jokes and understand each other’s’ quirks. Our periods will even sync. It will be as though we are best friends who just happen to share a husband. We may even be trendsetters in this whole non-traditional-Mormon-sister-wife adventure. The other moms at the playground are bound to be hella jealous of our sister connection.

Anyway, I can’t wait for you to get settled. Also, I forgot to mention how thrilled I am to hear about your talent in housework, my talent is… well … yet to be determined.  In the meantime, I think I can let you go ahead and do the cleaning for both households.  You’re the best!

Much Love,
Your Future Sister Wife

Related: The 6 Types of Friends you Have as a First Time Mom

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