This seems like a no brainer, right?
You start feeling contractions at 40 weeks and you give birth. Easy peasy.
Well, the signs aren’t always that
simple. As you know, there are many burps and toots and that go along with
pregnancy so it’s often hard to tell what’s just a random pain, puddle or
purdle, and when it’s really show time.
Plus, very few women go into labor on
their due date (fewer than 5%) so try not to do what I did and count down the
days to your due date figuring that’s when the baby would get here because it
rarely happens and you’ll be one grouchy land manatee.
How do you know if you’re in labor
Passing your mucus plug.
Ah yes, the mucus plug. Once again medical professions have
outdone themselves with the most disgusting terminology they could come up
Essentially you’ve lost the seal that
kept your cervix closed for the pass nine months. It may come out as a lump or
as increased discharge over a few days. The mucus may be tinted with red or
brown, which is referred to as “bloody show”. Yep, bloody show.
I think we should refer to it as a
baby cork and womb sealant.
No need to worry because it just
means that the lid is off – labor could start in a couple of hours or even a
couple of weeks. Just mention it to your medical practitioner when you see them
next. Unless there’s blood, like real bright red bleeding, which could indicate
issues with your placenta so shuffle off to hospital stat if you spot that.
Contraction are a good hint but Braxton Hicks contractions are always lurking
to make you feel like a dummy for hitting the “show time” button. Try walking
around if you have them though. Braxton Hicks contractions usually fade if
you’re up and moving around versus sitting. Contractions also tend to get more
intense with walking so that’s a good clue. If they start coming at regular
intervals and increase in frequency, you’re probably ready to rock and roll.
What you’re waiting for is 1-5-1, which is having contractions that are 1
minute long, every 5 minutes, for 1 hour. If you’re high risk your practitioner
will probably want you in sooner.
You know how in movies a woman is always standing at a party
while she delivers her “Oh my God, my water just broke” line accompanied by a
gush of water? Well, this doesn’t happen to many women. In fact, most women are
well into labor before their water breaks.
It is more likely to be a leak rather
than a gush although those are sometimes hard to distinguish from sneaky urine
and vaginal discharge, which are two other delightful side effects when you’re
this pregnant. Easiest way to tell if you’re leaking amniotic fluid is to lie
down. The fluid will pool in your vagina and come out when you stand up – pee
and discharge won’t do that.
If you find you are leaking, pack
yourself up and assume that you’ll be giving birth shortly. Once your water
breaks you’ll either go into labor in the next 24 hours or your practitioner
will start it for you.
Oh, if the fluid is green or brown
call your doctor or midwife right away because that’s a sign that your baby may
have pooped in utero and you don’t want the little monkey ingesting that.
If you want to try kick starting your
labor you can try some of these tips, but unless you’re coming up on the 42
week mark or have a medical condition that would deem you high risk, most
medical professionals suggest you leave it alone and let the little weeble bake
as long as they feel necessary.
So stay tuned, my darlin’ and use
this time to answer the phone saying “No, the baby isn’t coming yet and I’m
charging everyone $5 that asks me that from now on.” By my calculations you
should have roughly $45,675 by the time you give birth.
Hang in there.