Top 5 Unsolicited Comments from Strangers on 2 Kids Under 2

When I read this post from Kali I was like, “me too!” Except that my kids are two-and-a-half years apart and boys. You’d think I was on my 15th kid by the gasp and “you’ll certainly have your hands full” in the grocery store line.  I didn’t think what I was doing was that weird.

My TWO under TWO having a moment together. My TWO under TWO having a moment together.

The title says it all. I’m a mom of two kids. Under two. I am fully aware of this. Ever since it became obvious that I was carrying A in my tummy, I started to get an outpouring of comments. Unsolicited. From strangers. It still amazes me to this day what some people feel the need to tell me as we pass each other in Kohl’s or as I stand behind you with my children in line at Target. I know we live in a day and age of posting our lives on social media (I do it!), but there is a time, a place and certain people to share that stuff with. And you, strange man or woman, do not qualify are one of those certain “people”.

So this brings me to a list I have been putting together for sometime in my head. Maybe other parents of 2+ young children can relate. Here is the top 5 remarks I have gotten from complete strangers when I am out with M & A…..I should preface also by saying these comments came when M & A were being well-behaved. These comments are not derived from them screaming or running around in public (because that never happens to us)…  I then agree that some of these comments could be warranted.

1. No two kids are exactly the same.

Is this a comment? Are you trying to start a conversation? What is one suppose to say to this? “I am well aware of how DNA and human kind works.”“Yep, I know” as I smile and awkward silence ensues in line to the bathroom at Hobby Lobby? Someone please tell me what a person is looking to get out this comment. For that reason, it annoys me.

2. Girls are good now, but you’ll sure have your hands full when they get older!

Followed by a comment on how their girls snuck out of windows, partied, or whatever else they wanted to over share with me. Or the ol’ girls are easy now, boys are easy later.

Hmmm, person I don’t even know, thank you for letting me know how my children will be when they hit the teenage years. Again, WTF? I would hardly call any child “easy” at any age. And sorry your kids did some nightmare things when they were younger and/or older? I am pretty sure each child, no matter their gender, will give hardships for parents at all ages.

3. With two girls under two, you must have a lot of screaming in your house.

I think moms of boys can relate also, maybe to something like “You must have lots of wrestling in your house” or some other thing that people relate to boys. Ugh, just annoying to hear this all the time. They are small kids, obvs they are loud and move around a lot.

4. They are really close in age. Was it planned?

Oh wow, really….let me justify my family planning (or maybe lack thereof  ) to a complete stranger. You, Judgy Stranger, keep standing in line at the gas station and keep your comments to yourself and you will never know the answer to this question.

And I saved my all time nails on chalkboard comment for last….

5. Are you going to try for a boy? Do you want a boy? And other boy related questions. (Parents with boys, switch this to girls)

Again with Mr. or Ms. Stranger who thinks the topic of family planning should be discussed so openly. Are you suggesting our family isn’t complete with our two beautiful and healthy little girls? Are you suggesting Hubby or myself won’t be fulfilled until we have one? Why do complete strangers think this is an okay topic? Do they want me to confide in them? I should start responding, “Yes of course. Our healthy and beautiful girls just aren’t enough, we are going to try for a boy starting tonight.” *Snort*

So, for any non-parents of multiple young kids reading this, my ask would be to please refrain when you see a complete stranger toting around their 2+ small children. We appreciate conversation just like the rest of the world, don’t take this post to be rude, but have common sense and a filter. We are tired, we are busy and what we really want to hear is, “You have beautiful children and you are doing a good job” or “Can I carry that bag out to your car for you?”.

Parents of little ones, do you agree or no? What is the weirdest thing a stranger has ever said to you?

 

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Top 5 Unsolicited Comments from Strangers on 2 Kids Under 2

My TWO under TWO having a moment together. The title says it...
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56 Comments

  • I get the last one all the time with my two girls. I always tell them I think we will try for a puppy next and see what happens. Shuts them up quick!

  • My kids are 18, 17, 7, 15 months
    I get " wow same father?" I say "yup same guy still love him since the first time he knocked me up!" Really?! Mf ers, really?

  • I have 2 girls under 2 and until reading this I never even imagined someone should carry my bags out to my car for me. But dammit, they totally should!!! From now on I’m going to glare at every jerkface that doesn’t offer to do this…

  • Yes! My first is a girl and when people would ask what the second was going to be (a boy) they said "one of each, so now you are done" (ummmm, why would that be? We may want more than 2 kids) or "your husband must be excited" (he actually wanted another girl because he felt like he already knew what to expect).

  • Or if you have a boy and a girl they say " oh now you’re done! You’re family is complete!" Thanks for making my family decisions you perfect stranger.

  • I know this is only about 2 under to but I have a 2 year old and the ones I get every time I visit my in-laws "oh wow you can’t deny this is Patrick’s(my husband) son" or "wow why is he blonde you both are brunette are you sure it’s his" they can’t make up their minds.

  • I’m expecting my first (a baby girl) in April 2016, but oh the comments I’ve gotten that are hurtful and thoughtless! "When are you gonna get pregnant?" It took us 4 years to conceive our first… Thank you very little for the constant reminder of how broken our bodies are. Both of us would love to have a large family, but we’re leaving that up to God.

    Comments like that, and the ones mentioned for 2+ under 2 are just not well thought out.

    I understand that no one’s trying to be intentionally hurtful (most of the time), but people just don’t think before they speak.

    If we only have our one baby girl, it will be sad for her to not have siblings, but we do not regret her one bit. And if we never have a boy, again, sad, but it’s never wrong to feel complete with just 1, 2, or however many kids one has. They are all gifts from God and any we have will be cherished. 🙂

  • Haha, so no one posting here has their hands full with 2 under 2? I sure do and feel proud taking them out, people are just impressed!
    (Only once did some say something nasty but I’m sure they were lovers of kids in any number)

  • I have an 8 month old son and I am currently pregnant with baby number 2. So many judgemental looks. Not only strangers but family too. The way I look at it, if you are not taking care of me or mine, it’s not your business.

  • I have 9 children with another on the way. My oldest 4 were born in 4 years. The next 6 are way more spread out. I had 3 boys and then a girl then another boy and my second girl to be followed by 3 more boys. So 8 boys 2 girls. People ask if we wanted it different. I just think they must not have kids or have one of each or something and are genuinely curious. But when I take offense is when they ask if they are all with the same guy! Or if they were planned. As if either would make them less loved or wanted. Both are none of their business. My kids are now 20, 19, 18, 16, 14, 12, 10, 9, 2 and due in March. We get stares and glares. I have learned to let them go. But you do hear these a lot and it can get under your skin.

  • OMG YES!! Especially #4 & 5 I can relate to the most! I mean, sometimes I think people just talk to fill dead air because these comments are just not helpful/friendly/necessary… Thanks for sharing!

  • And when you have a boy and a girl under 2 you get the "what a perfect family" comment. Sorry to break it to you, random stranger, but my family was perfect when it was just me, the hubby and the cat.

  • We have a toddler and another on the way. At a gift shop while on vacation in a beach town, the woman behind the counter asked my obvious bump and about how far apart our girls would be, and I told her they would be about 22 months apart.

    She looked at my husband and I and said, out loud, I kid you not: "What were you THINKING?!"

    That was a couple months ago and I still can’t process how dumb/rude/awful some people can be.

  • My older two children were born a little over 11 months apart. They are the same age for 3 weeks every year. The funniest question I ever got was, " do you know how to prevent this?"…….obviously not since I had a 9 month old and was 6 months pregnant…….."take an aspirin and hold it between your knees!" It came from a friend and I laughed till I wet my pants! They are now 36……..till April 6th

  • We have 2 girls and then a boy, my most hated comment is "you finally got the boy!" I always want to answer with "Duh, I just couldn’t stand girls so I had to keep trying" when the truth is we never planned to have a third child and God decided otherwise but what an amazing surprise it was for us.

  • I am a mom to 7 kids….my oldest 2 are 16 months apart and by the time my oldest was 7 , we had 2 more , which gave us 4 kids under the age of 7 …which needless to say got us a lot of unnecessary comments and glares!! Fast forward to present time, my oldest is now almost 22 ….also have 20, 17,15,9,6 and 3! Although now it is rare to have all the kids with us in public, on those rare occasions I love to tell people "yes these are all my babies!! Yes it is chaotic, but God has blessed me 7 times over and I wouldn’t change a thing!! "
    God bless you and your family and keep on doing what you do!!
    ( no my kids were not conceived due to any religious beliefs… I am just very fertile!!)

  • I can definitely relate to all of the above! My three little ones are about 24ish months apart. While I was pregnant with our last little one I was asked whether or not I knew the cause of pregnancy. smh! No Mr Rude Pants I am a 29 year old happily married woman and I have no flipping idea what causes it so why don’t you enlighten me! Seriously, people need to take some public speaking classes so they can learn the proper way to start a conversation or better yet, when to keep their yap shut lol.

  • My children are now in high school and college but we had 4 in 4 years. Yes, a new born, 1 year old, 2 year old, 3 year old and a 4 year old. The two issues that got me were:
    1. when people would count us and say "are they all yours?" Nope we stole the 2nd and 4th one.
    2. "Don’t you have TV?" My husband would say "yes, and we have a subscription to playboy and hustler, see the results" people usually walked away.

  • Omg, can I relate, except that last one is slightly different because having a 2yo son and 8 month old daugther everyone asks if I’m done now that I have one of each, like it would somehow be overkill to want a 3rd child. Uhm, plenty of people who have 3, doesn’t mean I can’t. Nosy. Lol. But for the most part people compliment how view they are so I’m not too bothered

  • Yes. I can relate. I have a girl and boy 18 months apart and these strangers can say the rudest and harshest things. Some examples: "You are really popping them out…" & "Did you plan it that way?" & "Have you now sterilized yourself or are you planning to have more?" The list goes on and on. People should think before they comment or ask very personal questions.

  • LOVE this! I have five kids: 9, 6, 4, 2, and 10 months. I get it all of the time! One of my personal favorites is "did you have all these kids on purpose?".. um… rude much?

  • Parents are too sensitive. I had two under two, and had plenty of commentary offered by strangers. But unless you can tell people are trying to be critical or hurt your feelings, please try to lighten up. All the blogs and articles out there with Top 5, 10, 20 things NOT to say to moms in various situations are just too much. Soon nobody will be talking to strangers anymore. I realize it’s a great way to get clicks on your web site and sell ads, but let’s not try to alienate ourselves from others.

  • Seeing three girls under 2 makes people say the dumbest things. Once a stranger asked me about my twin pregnancy while my 12 month old was with me… When she found out I was having two more girls she said "condolences". WTF!!!

  • Oh yes. I have 4 children and the youngest two are 19 months apart. What got me was the reactions when I was pregnant. People would say something about my children and I would proudly say, "And expecting another!" They would look at my 2 girls and boy and say "Do you know what your having?" with the strangest look on their face. When I told them that #4 looked like a boy the relief on their faces was crazy. Then they would gush – "Oh! Two boys and two girls! What a perfect family!" So apparently if I was having another girl if would have been awful? I don’t get it.

  • I only have 1 child ( 3 next month) but I do understand the rude comments and up right insensitive questions that come along. I have gotten so many " When will you have another one?" or " Man you will be practically starting all over". These are my most pet peeved questions, for one its none of their business and two have you thought " oh maybe they have been trying?" For my husband and I we didn’t plan to have our kids almost 4 years apart or more ( still tcc), but that’s just how our cards are going for us. These comments are hurtful and upsetting, especially since we have had a miscarriage. My next biggest pet peeve question, similar to yours above is the gender!!! I get " oh I bet you cant wait to have a boy, since you already have a girl" or " I will pray for a little boy". What! Wait! SO, you are telling my you are ONLY praying for a boy? What about praying for the health of our child or my health? As a mother that had a very hard pregnancy with my daughter and almost losing our lives I have realized that health is the #1 important thing to us. Not what the gender is. But at the same time we still get tons and tons of comments on how we need a boy, it doesn’t matter to us, as long as the baby and I are both healthy!!

  • I’m apparently in the minority as all I’ve read lately are articles on "what not to say to a pregnant lady" or "what not to say to a parent with young children" because I love it when people talk to me or ask questions about my family. They’re trying to connect. A lady at the airport commented with a smile that I had my hands full! She was acknowledging that traveling with two kids is hard. I appreciated that acknowledgment. Especially after a 2.5 hour flight by myself with a three year old and a one year old. Most people are just trying to make conversation and yes, sometimes it’s done without tact, but I rarely think any of these comments come from bad places. I do, however, draw the line at, "which one is your favorite child?" I have a hard time seeing that question come from anywhere but a bad place!

  • My boys are 20 months apart and I get the (are they twins?), (are you going to try for a girl?), and (you got your hands full). When I was pregnant with my second I had a family member ask( you know what causes that right?). Yes, I do, thanks. I also had someone tell me (that mistakes happen and I should have just had one)……WTF? Really? Please keep that to yourself. I don’t need to hear that. my children weren’t even misbehaving when I got that one.

  • I have four kids – ages 5, 4, and 20-month-old twins. Believe me I have heard it ALL. The weirdest thing to happen to me was when this old couple in the grocery store asked if they could TAKE OUR PICTURE because "nobody will believe this." Just, wow.

  • Don’t post it on the Internet. Tell the person directly when they do it. The only way people ever change is if they know what they have done to offend you.

  • Ha! This is so good, thanks for writing.
    It’s true, we are supposed to uplift each other, but 99% of comments made are not.
    While pregnant I had issues with people wanting to touch my belly. Once my little one arrived I thought theses issues would disappear…I now have had issues with random strangers helping themselves to her "piggies"! Granted I myself have a time keeping my hands off those crazy cute toes, but I’m her mom!
    I once had a guy in the grocery store come right up to us and rub her head mumbling something about "my wife would kill me if I came home with one of these".
    Really?! I’m sorry. Are you also aware of how close your hand is to my mouth as I have my precious little one wrapped to my hip?

    Oh the adventures we have ha!

  • What do you think people say when you have five boys in just under six years? 🙂 Besides the obvious "are you trying for a girl" questions, I think the one that shocked me the most was "do they all have the same dad?" when my husband was standing right.there! I mean, I realize that it’s not uncommon for siblings to have different fathers, I could not believe someone would ask. Plus they were small; the oldest was only 6!

  • My first 2 girls are 12 months apart (not bad for an infertile couple!) My fave, you’re so courageous! but what they mean is ‘am i stupid or insane. One wonderfull lady told me before the birth of my second ‘the first year will be hard, then they will be best of friends. She was so right!

  • People are so senitive. This is why people dont talk to each other anymore. Just take it as small talk with a stranger a move on.

  • I get complimented literally all the freaking time about how cute/handsome/adorable AND we’ll behaved my 13 month old is. And nobody ever says anything about the fact that I’m obviously expecting another. My second boy at that. They will be 16 months apart. Eh, not too bad and since my first son is so awesome I’m not too stressed lol. However, my own father (who I should mention is a total a-hole) commented on a Facebook photo I posted "are you going to have your tubes tied this time since you clearly don’t know what birth control is?" …. because apparently having 2 children is way too many I guess..? But he topped it off by adding he "was only saying what everyone else is thinking".. because they must have been lying when they told me congrats I’m already a great mom..

  • I know your pain! I have a 19 month old and a 3 month old. Old ladies are the worse. I usually give them th3 glib sly comments in response as then it saves them doing it to the next poor unsuspecting mother.

  • My girls are 14 months apart and then 2 years after my youngest daughter, I had a little boy. So 3 kids under 5. You would’ve thought we had 3 eyes or something.
    "Was it planned?" (hate this question) I knew that having sex could potentially lead to a baby, so I guess it was planned to an extent…but at the same time, not really. I don’t go around asking you about your sex life and your choices, so don’t ask about mine.
    I also got the "oh how cute, twins!" comment. Uhh, no, not twins. The oldest one is walking, the youngest is not.
    "Oh my gosh, they look so much alike, how will you tell them apart?" Really? Is it really that odd that my children look alike? As for telling them apart, they have different names and they’re 14 months apart. Think I’ll be okay.
    "Has your doctor told you about birth control?" Umm, yes, as a matter of fact he has and again, I know how babies are made. And again, my sex life and personal choice are mine and really none of your business. I don’t know if I got this a lot because I was a young mom (I had my first at 18, then 19, then 22).
    "Wow they’re so beautiful…are you sure they’re yours?" Not really sure what that meant but both times I heard that, I was tempted to smack the person saying it.
    "2 kids under 2? Are you on welfare?" This drove me nuts. No, I wasn’t actually. I worked until my first one was born and then I stayed home while her dad worked (he worked while I was pregnant too). We may not have had a lot, but we paid our bills and provided for our family without welfare. I’m not knocking anyone who is on it. Everyone has their own road to take and it’s not for me to judge. I just hate when people assume stuff like that.
    "2 kids under 2? You know that means they’ll fight for your attention and over toys and clothes right?" Well, yes, I realize that. Not sure how that is any different than if my kids were 6 years apart, or 18.
    I am not sure why people think that when you have 2 kids under 2 that all of a sudden your children become mutant-like and will do things that no other child does. My hands were never so full that I couldn’t handle it. I enjoyed having my kids close in age. My kids are now 20, 19, and 16 and are well adjusted kids/adults. My 2 oldest, both girls, have been the best of friends since the youngest girl was born. They also are really close to their brother.

  • My kiddos are 14 months apart….. I used to hear "Oh, you’ve got your hands full" on a daily basis.
    My best response? "Better full than empty!" smiling
    I do think people just want to spark a conversation to pass the time, but seriously the comments some people make blow my mind!!

  • YES! I found #5 especially to be true. My older son was 19 months when my second son was born and the first question out of people’s mouths was, "Are you going to have a third? I mean, you have to try for a girl!" Now, I’m expecting a girl in 6 weeks, and my C-section is scheduled a few days after my younger son turns 2. The comments I get now are, "Wow, 3 kids 3 and under? You’ll really have your hands full!" Like I have so much free time right now and every day I wake up wondering how I could possibly fill my day to keep from being bored!

  • I have two girls. I get comments all the time you know what i think. Its a conversation starter I dont mind. I love talking meeting new people. You sound like one of those stuck up stay at home mommies that dont know how to have adult conversatuon because your to busy goo goo ga ga with your little ones.

  • I don’t get why people say "you’ve got your hands full. " when the kids are actually behaving. We’ll be in line at the deli counter and my daughter will be talking to the baby and I’ll be in awe at the most adorable moment when some stranger feels the need to tell me I must have my hands full. No, actually I’m enjoying this lovely little scene now leave us alon3’e!

  • "Oh, are they twins?" No, they’re 17 months apart. "Yes, they are. Are they identical?" If you knew, why did you ask? If I lied about them being twins, why would I tell the truth suddenly about them being identical or not? Obviously you weren’t there for 2 pregnancies, pinning the I-shall-never-nap-ever-ever-ever child between my knees just so I could have 12 minutes of shuteye. (And that gender crap?! It starts well before the birth of the second one! "What are you having?" Puppies. I’m having effing puppies. "Awww, are you disappointed?")

  • Amy, great post! Though I believe you’ll want to change the description of your husband to "remodel-aholic." Unless he does have an alcohol problem, in which case I’m going to stop commenting now.

  • I have boy/girl twins and I always get, "Oh, how lucky! You’re all done now!" As if obviously I wanted one of each and can now check that off my list of things to do. Actually, we do want more kids, thank you. And if it’d been two girls or two boys, we’d be just as thrilled as we are with one of each. Argh.

    • Mine aren’t close in age (13 years apart), but I really dislike being told "Oh, one of each! How perfect!" or anything along those lines. As if I’d love a second son any less.

    • This!!! I have a 19 month old boy and a girl coming any day and everyone gives me the "oh yay, now you can be done!" Is it some unspoken goal for people to have a boy and girl? How does the gender of your children tell you if your family is complete? I haven’t decided if we are done yet, but having a girl and boy isn’t even a factor in that decision!

  • You may want to edit your blurb ? "I’m a full time working mom of two girls under two and married to a home remodel-alcoholic…

    My boys are 26 months apart and every word of this is true ?

  • Number 5 on the list is the bane of my 2 under 2 existence!! I have 2 boys, 21 months and 3 months. Planned(ish). They both have an insane amount of curly hair (as do I) that needs to be conditioned, detangled and brushed through often so not to become dreadlocks. Why in the world would I want to throw a girl in the mix so to have to sort through more curls that actually need to be neat ringlets due to the fact that she’s a girl and not a rough and tumble boy? I don’t have time for that! Two completes our family and we couldn’t be happier, no matter the gender lineup. Oh and I sleep great, for the others not worried about my uterus and it housing a girl but for my health (yeah right). Two under two mamas unite!!

  • Lol – I have two little boys under the age of two. People often just pass in the grocery store saying ‘You’ve got your hands full’… I want to reply ‘Actually my 22 month old is content eating a vegimite scroll in the trolley and I am baby wearing my 4 month old so my hands are actually empty at the moment! That’s how I can actually pick things up and put them in my trolley.’ We had our two little ones so closely and it was planned – I am not crazy… as I am often asked if I am having two little boys under the age of two … I think I am blessed! Shari from http://www.goodfoodweek.blogspot.com

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