When I was pregnant with twins, I thought I was prepared. I had read the books, gathered advice from other parents, and even received a special twin nursing pillow from my cousin. But nothing – and I mean nothing – could have prepared me for the reality of caring for two newborns simultaneously.
The truth is, having twins isn't just double the work of having one baby. It's an entirely different experience that comes with its own unique challenges, surprises, and yes, moments of pure chaos. If you're expecting twins or know someone who is, here are the ten most important things I learned during those first exhausting but transformative months.
1. One Twin Might Love Breastfeeding While the Other Doesn't
My daughter loved to breastfeed. After each nursing session she looked like a little puppy that just got her back scratched – perfectly content, comfortable and happy. My son, on the other hand, was never a fan of it. He was a hungry little man and preferred the speed of the bottle.
It didn't help that I was unable to master nursing both babies at once. Before my twins arrived, my cousin had given me her twin nursing pillow, and I naively believed it would be magical. Let me explain how feeding time actually went: I would have two twins hungrily crying. I would successfully get one twin to latch on, then while attempting to get the other twin to latch, the first twin would unlatch. The process would get both twins increasingly upset and result in all three of us crying.
My advice: have a plan going in but adapt in real-time to whatever situation comes up. Accept that when raising twins, it's truly their world and you're just living in it.
2. You'll Feel Guilty That You Can't Give Each Baby 100% of Your Attention
When you have twins, there are two of them and only one of you, and both twins will regularly need you at the very same time. In the beginning, I felt constantly torn because I couldn't be one baby's everything all of the time. I felt like I was constantly failing as a mother because instead of devoting all of myself to one child, I had to play a never-ending tennis match between two.
Newborns don't know what it means to wait their turn and they can't be reasoned with. If you're making them wait for something essential like food, you'll stress out too. Give yourself grace – this feeling is normal and doesn't make you a bad parent.
3. Don't Lift a Finger for Your Guests
After you give birth, family and friends will be eager to meet your babies. My first piece of advice is to be selective about visitors. Keep it to close family and friends only in those first few weeks.
When guests do visit, don't be the hostess with the mostess. People won't judge you for what you're not doing – they'll be too busy oohing and ahhing over the babies. If you're in your pajamas when guests arrive, that's perfectly okay. You have only two houseguests that matter during the beginning stages – your twins. Stay seated and don't lift a finger. The best friends and family will bring YOU food during this time.
4. You Must Take Care of Yourself Even When It Seems Impossible
You're going to be caring for two little people who demand literally 100% of your time. It's going to be hard to find moments for basic needs like showering or eating. However, you need to take care of yourself – it's not selfish.
Those babies need you to have enough strength to care for them. If you're nursing, you need adequate calories to produce milk. Make sure food is easily accessible, and if you don't have time for large meals, graze regularly. I survived on takeout during the first few months, and there's no shame in that.
5. You'll Constantly Think Having One Baby Would Be Easy
If you're a two-parent family, twins put you immediately into man-to-man defense. You don't get to take breaks, and if you do, your partner faces zone defense against an extremely demanding twin offense. With one baby, parents can take turns. With twins, you'll find yourself thinking, "I'll just take a quick shower – can you watch the twins?" Then guilt swarms in because you realize what watching two newborns alone entails, and you decide you're not that dirty after all.
6. Twins Give You a License to Cut Every Corner Possible
Cut corners in every aspect of your life that your budget allows. Get groceries delivered. Hire a maid service, even if just for the first three months. Hire a plow driver in winter or lawn service in spring. Whatever you can afford to farm out, do it. My twins are 2½ now and I still get groceries delivered. Always recruit free help from friends and family in any capacity they're willing to provide.
7. You'll Be More Exhausted Than You Can Imagine
I'll never adequately put into words the exhaustion you'll feel during the first few months. It's like boot camp where your twins are drill sergeants, waking you at 1 AM, 2 AM, 3 AM – you get it.
Do whatever you can to just get through it. If you're nursing and have a partner, have them bring babies to you when they cry. Save every bit of energy you can. Set one small daily objective outside of childcare – like doing one load of laundry or preparing fruit you can grab easily when hungry.
8. You'll Initially Be Scared to Be Alone With Both Twins
I never thought being alone with my own children would scare me, but initially it did. You fully realize your limits when you become a parent of twins. Before twins, I was the person everyone could lean on – juggling countless work projects, baking 200 cookies for parties, always available for favors. All of that changed.
When you're exhausted, you don't operate at full capacity and accidents are more likely. Having another pair of eyes, another set of arms, or just another person to talk to will be more valuable than gold during those first months.
9. Leaving the House Becomes a Major Production
It will take hours of preparation to leave the house, and you'll need at least two bags when you do. You'll probably feel that leaving unless mandatory is something you'd rather avoid. It's hard enough having every gadget, blanket, toy, diaper, and bottle at your disposal at home, never mind deciding what gets voted off your overflowing diaper bags. Unless necessary, stay home and have people come to you initially.
10. Life Won't Be How You Pictured It (And That's Okay)
Throughout my twin pregnancy, I dreamed of staring adoringly at their perfect faces, watching them sleep in complete awe, wondering what they were dreaming about. I was convinced I'd enjoy every single moment of the baby stage, documenting everything and taking millions of pictures.
Honestly, I did adore my twins – they were the miracles I'd always dreamed about. However, I didn't have many opportunities to stare adoringly because I was too exhausted. I wasn't able to enjoy every minute as I'd imagined.
Here's what I want you to know: this is okay. Don't fret that you're missing something because you're knee-deep in twin care. You're doing exactly what you should be doing. Everything you do to care for your two bundles stems directly from how much you adore and are devoted to them.
The Bottom Line
Having twins is simultaneously the most challenging and rewarding experience you'll ever have. It's not the fairy-tale newborn phase you might have imagined, but it's real, it's yours, and you're stronger than you think. Those early months of survival mode don't last forever, but the bond you'll form with your twins (and the strength you'll discover in yourself) will last a lifetime.
Trust yourself, accept help when it's offered, and remember that getting through each day is an accomplishment worth celebrating.
Also check out: Having Twins? Nope, You Don't Need Two of Everything.
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