When I was pregnant with twins, I thought I was prepared. I had read the books, gathered advice from other parents, and even received a special twin nursing pillow from my cousin. But nothing could have prepared me for the reality of caring for two newborns simultaneously.
The truth? Having twins isn't just double the work of having one baby. It's an entirely different experience with unique challenges, surprises, and yes, moments of pure chaos. After surviving those first exhausting months with my twins (now 2½ years old), here are the ten most important lessons I learned.
1. One Twin Might Love Breastfeeding While the Other Doesn't
My daughter loved to breastfeed. After each nursing session she looked like a little puppy that just got her back scratched – perfectly content and happy. My son? Never a fan. He was a hungry little man and preferred the bottle's speed.
The twin nursing pillow myth: My cousin gave me her twin nursing pillow, and I believed it would be magical. Reality looked like this: two twins crying hungrily, one successfully latching, then unlatching while I tried to position the second twin. The result? All three of us crying.
My advice: Have a plan but adapt in real-time. When raising twins, it's truly their world and you're just living in it. Fed is best, whether that's breast, bottle, or both.
2. You'll Feel Guilty About Split Attention (And That's Normal)
There are two babies and only one of you. Both will need you at the exact same time, constantly.
In the beginning, I felt like I was failing because I couldn't devote all of myself to one child. Instead, I played a never-ending tennis match between two babies who didn't understand waiting their turn.
Give yourself grace. This feeling is universal among twin parents and doesn't make you a bad mother. You're not failing – you're doing something incredibly difficult.
3. Don't Lift a Finger for Your Guests
After birth, everyone will want to meet your babies. Here's what worked for me:
Be selective – Keep visitors to close family and friends in the first few weeks.
Drop the hostess act – People won't judge you; they'll be too busy admiring your twins. Still in pajamas? Perfectly acceptable.
Stay seated – Your only VIP guests are your twins. The best visitors bring YOU food and don't expect entertainment.
4. You Must Take Care of Yourself Even When It Seems Impossible
Two babies will demand literally 100% of your time. Finding moments for basic needs like showering or eating feels impossible.
But here's the truth: Self-care isn't selfish. Those babies need you strong enough to care for them. If you're nursing, you need adequate calories to produce milk.
Practical strategies that saved me:
- Keep snacks everywhere and graze constantly
- Accept that takeout is survival food (I lived on it for months)
- Make food easily accessible before you need it
- Lower your standards for "proper meals"
5. You'll Constantly Think Having One Baby Would Be Easy
If you're a two-parent family, twins put you immediately into man-to-man defense. There are no breaks. When you take one, your partner faces zone defense against an extremely demanding twin offense.
With one baby, parents can tag-team. With twins, simple tasks become negotiations: "I'll just take a quick shower – can you watch the twins?" Then guilt swarms because you know what watching two newborns alone entails. Suddenly, you're not that dirty after all.
6. Twins Give You a License to Cut Every Corner Possible
Cut corners everywhere your budget allows:
- Get groceries delivered (my twins are 2½ and I still do this)
- Hire cleaning help, even just for three months
- Pay for snow plowing or lawn care
- Order prepared meals or meal kits
- Accept every offer of free help from friends and family
This isn't laziness – it's survival strategy. Save your limited energy for what only you can do: caring for your babies.
7. You'll Be More Exhausted Than You Can Imagine
I'll never adequately describe the exhaustion of those first months. It's like boot camp where your twins are drill sergeants, waking you at 1 AM, 2 AM, 3 AM.
Do whatever you can to survive:
- If nursing, have your partner bring babies to you when they cry
- Save every bit of energy possible
- Set one small daily objective outside childcare (one load of laundry, prepping grab-and-go snacks)
- Sleep whenever both babies sleep
This phase doesn't last forever, but while you're in it, survival is success.
8. You'll Initially Be Scared to Be Alone With Both Twins
I never thought being alone with my own children would scare me. But initially? It did.
Before twins, I was the person everyone leaned on – juggling countless work projects, baking 200 cookies for parties, always available for favors. Twins changed everything because they forced me to recognize my limits.
Why another adult matters: When you're exhausted, you don't operate at full capacity and accidents become more likely. Another pair of eyes, arms, or just someone to talk to is worth more than gold during those early months.
9. Leaving the House Becomes a Major Production
Leaving home will require hours of preparation and at least two bags packed with supplies. You'll need to decide what essential items make the cut for your overflowing diaper bags.
My strategy: Unless absolutely necessary, stay home and have people come to you initially. It's hard enough having every gadget, blanket, toy, diaper, and bottle at your disposal at home.
When you do venture out, expect the unexpected and give yourself triple the time you think you'll need.
10. Life Won't Be How You Pictured It (And That's Okay)
Throughout my pregnancy, I dreamed of staring adoringly at their perfect faces, watching them sleep in complete awe. I was convinced I'd enjoy every single moment, documenting everything with millions of pictures.
The reality: I did adore my twins – they were the miracles I'd always dreamed about. But I didn't have many opportunities to stare adoringly because I was too exhausted. I couldn't enjoy every minute as I'd imagined.
Here's what you need to know: This is completely okay. Don't fret that you're missing something because you're knee-deep in twin care. You're doing exactly what you should be doing. Everything you do to care for your babies stems directly from how much you adore and are devoted to them.
The Bottom Line: You're Stronger Than You Think
Having twins is simultaneously the most challenging and rewarding experience you'll ever have. It's not the fairy-tale newborn phase you might have imagined, but it's real, it's yours, and you're capable of handling it.
Those early months of survival mode don't last forever, but the bond you'll form with your twins (and the strength you'll discover in yourself) will last a lifetime.
Remember: Getting through each day is an accomplishment worth celebrating. Trust yourself, accept help when offered, and know that thousands of twin parents have walked this path before you – exhausted, overwhelmed, and absolutely in love.
About the Author: Marianne Badurina is a mom of twins working in Marketing Communications. She shares real-life parenting experiences and creative inspiration through writing, combining her professional expertise with firsthand twin-parenting knowledge.
Also check out: Having Twins? Nope, You Don't Need Two of Everything.
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