Awake Training Poem – an Ode to No Sleep

The Awake Training Poem is a funny poem for parents about getting a baby to sleep during the early months of a newborns life

He will not sleep in a bed, he will not sleep upon his head.
He will not sleep in a crib, he will not sleep – I do not fib.

Not in a car, not in a boat, not in a fluffy winter coat.

He will not sleep in my arms, he will not sleep to his daddy’s charms.
He will not sleep after crying, he will not sleep – you think I’m lying?

Not in a pram, not on a tram, not in an afternoon traffic jam.

He will not sleep on my boob, he will not sleep whilst watching the tube.
He will not sleep with the blankets I bought, he will not sleep – I kid you not.

Not if I wear him, not if I bounce him, not if I pray to the sleep gods above him.

I’ve given him baths, I’ve offered him cash.I promised a pony, a puppy, an Ivy League school – I told him I’d always be there to wipe up his drool.

It’s been 13 months and he’s awake every two hours.
Do I get a medal, a diamond, some flowers?

Please tell me it’ll get better, please help me keep my head.
Aww fuck it, he’s up.

I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

Our next recos:
I Read All The Baby Sleep Books So You Don’t Have To

Sleep Training 101

No Really, Don’t Worry About Your Velcro Baby

You might like these too

Written By
More from Amy Morrison

100 Great Gift Ideas for Babies Under One

Coming up with baby gift ideas – even gifts for infants –...
Read More

2 thoughts on “Awake Training Poem – an Ode to No Sleep

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.