Ahh, the second trimester. This is the stuff pregnancy dreams are made of. You feel good, your belly is adorable, and you are feeling the pop pop pop of little kicks from your baby who Baby Center says is currently the size of a spaghetti squash!
But let’s take a step back from the bliss to complain for a few minutes. I know what you’re thinking. Why bitch about such a magical time? But there are a few things at this stage in the pregnancy game that no one talks about, and they’re important! So sit back, grab some Tums, and read on:
It’s lonely being pregnant. No one can share the joyous feelings of baby kicks, hiccups, and bouncing around the belly quite the same way you can. It seems like every time I put my husband’s hand to my belly, the kicking stops. While I look forward to each new week and the developments they bring (He has eyebrows! He’s producing meconium!), others don’t share the same enthusiasm. In the same regard, no one can share the lonely nights tossing and turning. Wondering if that cramping is severe gas or early labor. Going hours without fetal movement and wondering if baby is still okay. As supportive as your significant other and family may be, you are largely alone on this journey.
2. Hormonal Rage.
Short of my high school days, there is no other time in my life where I recall being this emotionally unstable. I am a raging bitch most of the time, and a weeping fool for the rest. Everything makes me angry, like the Hulk angry. And sometimes I’m so close to getting set off, I can practically picture the viral surveillance video that will accompany the headline “Distraught Pregnant Woman Starts Brawl in Target Shopping Aisle.”
3. Invasion of the Body Snatcher.
Does anyone else feel like their body has been invaded by an alien? Looking down, I sometimes imagine my pregnant belly as a grotesque, malicious tumor taking over my abdomen. I mean, this massive lump has materialized over what was flat only five months ago. And the stretching, the belly itching, and the pressure on the bladder, the lungs, the stomach… Pregnancy is such a strange feeling. Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?
4. The Sleep Dance.
My Fitbit says I woke up 14 times last night. No joke. Four were to actually get up and pee, the rest were the usual pillow dance I like to perform, which goes like this:
Flop to the left side, flop to the right… and shake shake shake that blood back into your hips.
It sounds cute, but imagine a beached whale flopping around and you get a better picture.
I like to complain, but it bears repeating that this truly is a magical period in pregnancy. If I had to carry a child in my belly for the rest of my life, I would want to remain in the second trimester forever. But I’m no Duggar. And since this is my last time as a baby-making machine before I retire, I want to remember more than just the ultrasounds and belly flutters. I want to remember the uglier stuff too. Because when the days are warm and the kids are extra cute and cuddly, I’ll need these reminders not to whip out the ovulation calendar!