All these updates are getting tricky for me because I have no way of knowing if you’re still pregnant or holding a baby.

If you’re holding a baby, congratulations!

If you’re still pregnant, come here and let me stroke your hair and sing you Soft Kitty while you wheeze under the weight of your girth.

If you’re anything like me, you feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit anymore. You want to crash through walls and shout “oh yeah!” like the KoolAid man and people keep saying, “Good Lord, are you still pregnant?” You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you’re going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You’re no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you, and if that means pulling it through your right nostril, so be it.

If it’s any comfort, you’re not alone. More that 50% of babies are overdue. Plus, you’re probably not actually overdue, and your dates were just off. Don’t yell at your practitioner, though – this is someone who’s going to help get a person out of you.

This may also be a good time to offer ups some advice on how to handle visitors with Visitors After the Baby – 10 Tips.

Hang in there, Soft Kitty. You’re in the final lap!

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