Shark baby has webbed fingers and toes now making it more bad-ass than ever even though its tail is pretty much gone. It’s starting to move but you won’t be able to feel it so ignore those lunatics that told you they felt the baby move just after they missed their period – they are exaggerating and have no sense of time.

Even though this kid is about the size of a jelly bean, you may feel like you’re busting at the seams.

Remember how I told you about progesterone and how important it is to relax your uterus so it doesn’t contract this kiddo out? Well it has a buddy called relaxin and it does just that, it relaxes your muscles and joints so your body can unhinge like the jaws of a snake come labour time. Good stuff, right? Absolutely, except along with the birthing muscles, it relaxes the gastrointestinal muscles, which slows down your digestion, which forms gas. That gas turns into deadly farts that could take down a flock of birds in mid-flight.

That’s right, you are a beautiful vessel of life right now. Toot. Pfft. ‘Scuse me.

Leave a Comment