This is around the time that you usually know something is up. Where the hell is my period? Why do my boobs hurt? Why…

So your blastocyst has parked itself on your uterine wall and it has split in two – one side will become the embryo, and…

How ya feeling, Bud? I love how movies and television always make morning sickness cute. We’ve all seen shows where the woman that realizes…

Hooray, your baby has paddles and a tail! No, that’s a good thing because the paddles become arms and legs and the tail becomes…

Shark baby has webbed fingers and toes now making it more bad-ass than ever even though its tail is pretty much gone. It’s starting to…

Second trimester! Can I get a woot woot? Have these been the longest weeks of your life, or what? By the time you have…

Let’s be honest here, there really is no week one. This is the first day of your last period and this is what you’ll…

Let’s see. What have we got now? Eyes in the right place? Check. Movement? Check (even though you still can’t feel it). An audible…

If you can believe it, your baby has fingernails now. In no time these will be used to scratch your face with razor sharp…

Your baby is starting to look less alien now. Woot. He or she has hands and feet, a tongue and a nose and some…

Your kid has fingerprints now so it better give up on that bank heist it was planning. It’s probably for the best seeing as…

Your baby’s ears have migrated to the side of their head for many, many years of ignoring you down the road. The little weeble…

Now you’ve gone and done it and fertilized an egg, you dirty birds. Nice work. The fertilized egg is now a zygote. Which I…

“Hi kiddo, that’s the world you hear because your ears work!” Cue the cool tunes because your baby can hear them now. It’s also…

Way to pork up, kid! No, not you, your baby, well, if you’re like me, then you too (high five). Your baby is about…

Guess what? We’ve made it to the point where your baby is as long as a footlong sub –I’ve been dying to use that…

Guess who’s about the size of a Barbie doll? Hint: it isn’t you. Yep, your baby is about the length of a Barbie but…

“Arrrgh, son-of-a-bitch leg cramp!” is something you may have uttered recently. Most likely it was when you were in bed after finally getting to…

I know! Let’s talk about pre-term labour. Fun or what? Now don’t pretend you haven’t googled the shit out of how far along you…

Wow your baby is about five pounds now so if you wanted to get an idea of what it would be like to have…

Woohoo! Halfway point! Do a victory lap around the block! Ha, no, fuck that noise, you do what you want, you’ve earned it, honey….

Okay, throughout this whole pregnancy you’ve probably been thinking about how you’re going to raise your child (at least I hope you have). Well,…

How ya doin’, Sugar? Speaking of sugar, you’re going to be coming up for your glucose screening test to make sure you’re not rockin’…

You may have already had your mid-pregnancy ultrasound (often called a Level II Ultrasound, Fetal Anatomy Survey or a Fetal Anomaly Screen) because you…

Hang in there, kid, you’re doing great! Pregnancy may be taking its toll by now. Some of you are saying, “What are you talking…

“Have you set up the nursery?” That is all anyone asked me for the last few weeks of my pregnancy along with “Haven’t you…

Woohoo! Third trimester, baby! Your baby is around 16 inches long and 2.5 pounds so pick up a random Chihuahua on the street to…

You’re still not pregnant, but your body is building up your uterine lining to prep for ovulation. If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice an…

Week 30! Hell yeah! Look at you go and look at that baby grow. Thanks to your little wonder, which is about a three-pound…

Hey, how are your legs? Restless leg syndrome is not dangerous or a sign that anything is wrong but it can be uncomfortable and…

If it hasn’t happened already, this is about the time people start saying things like, “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” To this, you…

Your baby is a whopping three-quarters of a pound (or 360 grams) and is about 101/2  inches long which is about the size of…

I love how some sites are still comparing your baby to fruits and vegetables at this point. If they want to show you what…

How ya doin’? Are you scared about the whole birth thing? I don’t think there are many women that aren’t nervous about giving birth…

Hey stretch marks, guess what? You’re an asshole. Stretch marks are caused when your skin stretches or grows rapidly and the protein that makes…

Are you at the point where people are picking up the phone saying “Is the baby coming?!” when you call? It’s right around this…

  Hey Bud, 42 weeks. Here we are. If you’re still pregnant you’ve probably had the induction chat. Generally speaking, 42 weeks is the…

Run to the top of the steps and do your victory dance, Rocky! You made it! No? Too winded and feeling like you’re pinned…

All these updates are getting tricky for me because I have no way of knowing if you’re still pregnant or holding a baby. If…